I barely post about whatever happens in my life because I fucking love privacy and being a mystery. I post or repost posts that reflect my thoughts. But today, I’m gonna break this rule I’ve set for myself for just this moment. Ignore my grammatical errors or typos. I am emotional.
Can you please be sensitive about your words?
I have this fear of being criticized by people and I hate it when people do criticize me. Not only that, I can “feel” being fat and ugly. My self-perspective, according to my therapists, has been quite inaccurate. Why? I tend to see my flaws too much and exaggerate them.
She says I’m not ugly, and that I’m chubby, not fat.
But when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel fat and ugly and hideous.
She says nice things to me, and others have, too. But there are those in my hometown who, upon seeing me, just can’t hold their mouths from saying insults to me.
I’m not the type who fights back. As much as possible, I want to respect the person and just be quiet. So yeah, I smile. But what happened this morning is just too much and it makes me want to cry.
I know how fat I am. There’s no need to remind me about it. Nothing I do seems to matter. As long as I look like this, nobody will respect me. If only you knew that I don’t exercise because of anxiety, and that I gain weight because of medications I take. Yes, bastards and bitches, I actually have a reason.
Also, why not focus on good things?
I tried my best to get into a good university just so people can’t say mean things to me anymore. All I want is respect. Guess I can’t have that.
Please, be sensitive. You’re ruining my body image. I can’t even imagine how some of you are like to others. But please, can’t you be kind? Can’t you just shut up about those fucking insults and say something nice? Strike a conversation. Don’t start with an insult.