Since the day I met you, I’ve been waiting on you. Waiting on you to reciprocate my affections. Waiting on you to decide that I was worth your time. Waiting on you to decide on me, over everyone else.
Waiting on you to pick me. Waiting on you to finally love me. Always, always just waiting on you.
And now, I’m realizing through our story together that more often than not I have been waiting on you, still. Waiting on you to find the same interest in me as you did in the beginning. Waiting on your reply. Waiting on your attention. Waiting on you to show up. Waiting on you to prove my doubts wrong. Waiting on you to finally love me. Waiting for you to stop looking for what you want and need in everyone else, and finally finding it in me. Still, always just waiting on you.
But by waiting on you, for so long, I’m realizing maybe we’re doing this wrong.
Maybe, I’m more deserving of a love that puts me first than I’ve ever allowed myself to believe. Maybe, the person who has me waiting endlessly to be loved simply can’t love me the way I need them to.
And waiting on you has taught me just that. A million lessons learned led me here. But finally, I know just how little I should have to wait. All around the world right now people are putting their lives on hold to pursue the loves of their lives. They are missing trains and planes to finish their “I love you’s”, and running down sidewalks to keep their promises.
And so, I am deciding right now as I write these words down that I am going to be as selfish as possible from now on when it comes to my time, and my heart. Not because I want to, but because I deserve to. I deserve the kindest of loves. A love that is so selfless and gentle that it finds me only at my best, and comforts me through every worst. And because of that, I am swearing right now that I am done waiting on you.
Waiting on you has taken me years. And deciding to love me, instead, has taken moments. You see nothing indecisive can dare weaken something with that kind of confidence.
And sweet boy, I think I just find mine.