1. Any place that smells like piss
That includes the 16th and 24th BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) stations, all of the Tenderloin (except for Rye, that place rules), any music festival, the porta-potties at any park, the areas around the trash cans in Union Square, and outside any storefront that closes before 10pm.
2. Dolores Park mid-day on a weekday
Because either they’re homeless or an art student. Either way, they aren’t going to help you with the mimosa brunch at Bisou on Sunday.
3. Free comedy shows
Scratch that, any comedy shows. The people aren’t funny, they are endlessly narcissistic, and the majority of them are on food stamps.
4. Inner Richmond/Sunset
If you aren’t there for good dim sum, then you might be part of the collection of most boring people in the Bay Area.
5. Mission and 8th at the CalFresh line
Nothing kills the romance quite like the single mom with four small kids telling you which liquor stores accept EBT for E&J.
6. At the gym
If you try and pick someone up on the mat while they are clearly trying to get their Eight Minute Abs on (Thats’s still relevant, right?) then you clearly have no consideration for their time or whether they ever achieve abs in the first place.
7. Any of those pop-up DJ rave events that are held at Golden Gate Park every Sunday
They don’t love you, they are rolling…on a Sunday.
8. Pier 39
Either they’re a tourist and there isn’t much of a chance for a relationship, or they like the unique mixture of stench of salt water and seagull shit. Actually, just avoid that place altogether, at all times.
9. Ruby Skye
This place is the culmination of all things unholy: fist pumping, bad house music, underage girls, creepy Indian dudes that don’t take their sunglasses off inside, and overpriced, water-downed drinks. If someone invites you there for a date or an evening of romance run as fast as you can in the other direction.
10. Any BART stop past 24th and Mission
That is no-man’s land. They aren’t SF residents, they’re mutants.