When I double-text you to see why you never responded to my text but I see you all over social media.
When I go off after you ghost me with no closure.
When I see you with another girl at a bar and I take two shots of Fireball in a row and text you a drunken sad-face emoji.
When I tell you about my past and how it still haunts me sometimes.
When I delete you from social media, my phone, and my life after you hurt me.
When I cry at a Huggies commercial or a dog-in-a-tux video on YouTube.
Guys are so quick to label a girl “crazy.” Every time I used to hear this word, I would cringe a little because I imagined a woman in a straight-jacket sitting in a corner of confined walls, rocking back and forth. “I really need to tone it down,” I thought to myself. But now, I can’t help but laugh at the men who use this word to describe women when we actually feel something genuine and voice it.
I’d rather be passionate about my life than merely float through it. That cool girl might exist, but I am not her. I am sensitive. I am passionate. And I am emotional. I shoot from the hip if I feel like I’ve been wronged, and I stand up for myself.
For so long I used to feel a sting when a guy called me crazy. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and that I should control those emotions – tuck them away.
For a woman to be datable, she has to be level-headed. She shouldn’t get emotional when he doesn’t reach out to her after a really great date. She should just let him go when he disappears out of nowhere after days, or weeks of texting and communication. She should remain cool when he never gives her more than a 2 a.m. call or a random text just to make sure she hasn’t forgotten about him. Right??
Sorry, but I am not sorry that reacting to these things makes me appear crazy to you. To me, this is just sifting through the bullshit and living authentically.
If you’ve read Gone Girl, you remember Amy’s “Cool Girl” monologue:
Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
I have played the cool girl. We all have. We have changed the parts of ourselves that don’t seem cool, and make sure that we go with the flow and don’t cause any waves. We allow the guys to call the shots. No, I don’t want to be exclusive either, I am totally fine with how things are. Yes, I am okay if you’re sitting at dinner with me, but texting other girls under the table.
We make ourselves smaller just so we don’t appear desperate, or emotional, or *gasp* invested.
Well here’s some news: I’m okay with my crazy. I don’t want to be cool.
If you want to call me crazy, do it. Because if you think I’m crazy, then that means that I am doing my job. I am staying true to myself and how I genuinely feel. Not how I think I should feel, or how you want me to feel.
So here’s to the “crazy” girls: The ones who call guys out on their shitty behavior. The ones who double-text that mofo. The ones who actually give a damn and aren’t afraid to show it.
One day you will find a man that welcomes that craziness with open arms – and appreciates it for what it really is: authenticity.