Thought Catalog

Do Me Like A Porn Star. Or Not…

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Have you ever been having sex, and suddenly it all feels very contrived?  Like you’re in an amateur porno?  Maybe you haven’t.  I have, and that’s the kind of sex I want to talk about.

I want to start off by saying that I have no problems with porn.  I watch porn.  Most of us at some point or another have watched porn, probably even regularly.  Totally normal.  Ok good, we have established that this is not meant to be an attack on the porn industry.

However.  Just because I watch porn, and appreciate it for all that it is, does not mean that I want to have sex like a porn star.

In porn, the main players are obviously aware that there is someone with a camera standing right above them, or below them, or in front of them, or behind them.  They are therefore performing.  Sure, the sex probably feels good for them.  But it’s all a performance.

The women wear heavy make-up.  They stare into the camera with half-lidded smoky eyes, and they wear lipstick.  Their hair is done.  They make those familiar noises—the screams, the squeals, the cries.  They talk dirty.  This may be a generalization, and there are certainly exceptions to this rule, but it can’t be denied that these are common things found in at least some types of porn.

So, since I am a girl who sleeps with men, I am going to focus on porn of that nature.  In most pornos, the scenes we see are purposely selected because they give us the best views that we can get.  They are fucking in positions so that we, as the viewers watching in our rooms with the door closed, can get the best possible view of the action.  So, the girl is crouched with her ass in the air, or is sitting facing the camera bouncing up and down, or is lying flat on her back so that all you guys at home can get your Point-of-View shots.

Ok, well those positions can be good, right?  Right!  And sometimes, fucking like a porn star is great!  Screaming as you’re getting banged can be a turn-on, for all parties involved!  But other times, I want the non-existent cameras to turn off, and for all the pretenses to disappear.  In real life, my makeup is probably worn off, or smudged when I’m having sex.  My hair probably looks like a birds nest.  And maybe I want to do it in those optimal-viewing positions, but I might not.  Maybe I want you to just lie down completely on top of me, in a position where the peanut gallery would see nothing exciting, but our bodies would be mashed together in a sweaty, rocking union.  So that you could kiss my neck, breathe into my ear, really feel that we are having sex.  Make it messy, make it imperfect, and just go with it.  Listen to your body, and for God’s sake listen to mine. Pay attention to what actually feels good; don’t just focus on what looks familiar because you’ve seen it in a million amateur videos that you’ve been watching online since you were a hormonal 12-year-old living in your parents’ house.

Just pretend the cameras are off, and let’s bang like it’s your hobby, not your job.

How’s that for dirty talk? TC mark

image – © Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com

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    • http://www.facebook.com/nattusmith Natt Smith

      Nothing like smashed up, dirty, sweaty sex.  Cheers! 

    • Anonymous

      YES!!!

    • Poonam

      “Pay attention to what actually feels good; don’t just focus on what looks
      familiar because you’ve seen it in a million amateur videos that you’ve
      been watching online since you were a hormonal 12-year-old living in
      your parents’ house.”

      WORD.

      • Guest

        Where have I read this exact sentiment before? Oh right, everywhere. Thank you for another “Porn is shaping men’s likes and sex-ing styles too much” article.

        • http://twitter.com/jkymarsh J. Ky Marsh

          ^^ this.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      “Dirty talk[s]”

    • elyssa

      Yes, I definitely see the point, and I agree girl. My only issue would be that honestly, I think ALL our ideas of sex are as contrived and performative as the ones that come from porn. It’s completely subjective of course, and you should do whatever most feels like “really having sex” to you, but just be aware that all those feelings are influenced by some outside idea or influence that is equally artificial. Oh yeah, but I support sex that’s “sweaty” and “rocking,” so carry on.

    • Anonymous

      grody.

    • http://goldenday.tumblr.com Kia Etienne

      you have just made one of my favorite articles on thought catalog to date.

    • HiDizzle

      This may become must read for any future men I think about hooking up with.

    • http://twitter.com/jkymarsh J. Ky Marsh

      If you found this article enlightening, groundbreaking, or entertaining in any way, shape, or form, you are an idiot. Unplug your computer and throw it out your window immediately.

      I quite literally have no idea why this article would ever be published, anywhere. It consists of low-level thinking that I’m sure any human being with a pulse has already mulled over numerous times throughout their existence, regardless of age.

      This is not compelling; this is not “thought.”

      • H8u

        This reply is purely insulting. No content, all slander. good try, but i still prefer this article to your pompous irritated ass.

      • http://somuchtocome.blogspot.com Aja

        Sometimes when people complain on TC it seems like a competition to see who can be the most insulting to the writer.  And for the record, no I haven’t mulled over this numerous times.  This might be the first time I’ve thought about it.  And I doubt anyone under the age of 12 has either.  Because in most cases they’re not having sex.  So scratch the bit about having a pulse. 

        • Mr Shankly

          I always assumed the vast majority of the TC readership was under 12.

        • Mr Shankly

          I always assumed the vast majority of the TC readership was under 12.

    • Guest

      or you could just choke me and then cum on my face, that’s also cool

    • leaf

      is the person in the pic a pornstar?

      • Squee

        Tori Black. <3 Best pornstar ever. Her anal scene with Manuel Ferrara is like Godsend. THis coming from a female, not that sex matters. 

    • Cth2

      “So, since I am a girl who sleeps with men”
      Ruined the article for me.  A girl who sleeps with men?? I half expected you to next say you hate when women (girls?)  shave their VAGINAS instead of their pubic hair.  Precision of language PLEASE.  Unless you are infact a girl who has sex with men, in which case go to therapy and send those men to jail.

    • Meh

      It reads a bit like an badly scripted infomercial.

    • Martin

      i feel like i’ve read this very same article (just better written) half a dozen times before

    • SQUUEEE

      Seriously, thank fuck I’m not the only female who thinks Tori Black is the shit. I fucking love her, favourite porn star ever. 

      But not the best article. 

      But props for Tori Black as the pic. 
      That is all. 

    • http://maxwellchance.wordpress.com Duke Holland of Gishmale

      I once filmed myself having sex. Holy shit, it was so lame. I mean, the sex was good, we did like you asked: listened to our bodies, had it messy, acted like the cameras were off. But, shit, the camera was on and it looked so boring and lame. 

      • Anonymous

        Hahahahahahahahaha

    • Jordan

      At a certain point through this I wondered, are guys really trying to have sex like porn stars?  What are guys doing that they wouldn’t be doing without porn?  Or girls for that matter.

      I would just about guarantee there’s more messy haired missionary going on than anything, and moving to a reverse/cowgirl (the only other thing mentioned?) isn’t all that adventurous or porn-like.  What is she talking about here…

    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      “Have you ever been having sex, and suddenly it all feels very
      contrived?  Like you’re in an amateur porno?  Maybe you haven’t.  I
      have, and that’s the kind of sex I want to talk about.”

      read like the way they teach you to begin essays in fifth grade: “hi my name is briana and today i want to talk to you about friendship.”

      • rose

        who on earth taught you to begin essays like that?

        • Guest

          I think in fifth grade I was told to begin with a thesis statement

    • Rachel Butters Scotch

      Sex is awesome. Non-boring sex is better. Pretty simple concept.

    • kmklnk

      Not a bad article. I wouldn’t dismiss it as just another statement on how porn is controlling people’s minds, etc.

      But I would have liked the author to take it a bit further, stretched my imagination. We don’t just have to overcome the idea of not *looking* good (smeared make-up, etc.) while having real, non-pornographic sex — the important thing to remember is that we need to let go of some of our erroneous conceptions of sex, and that’s hard to do. It goes very deep and has to do with our insecurities and lack of awareness of what pleases our partner. I realize this is nothing novel or deep, but it’s an idea that constantly crosses my mind and I am glad the writer chose this topic.

    • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

      So you’ve been having sex with awful partners, get over it and find some talented guys.

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