I’m not sorry for messaging you back. You gave me a compliment and I simply thanked you for it. Since you had begun to ask questions about me and seemed interested in my responses, I continued a conversation with you by asking you questions about your life, interests, and musical tastes.
When it seemed like maybe you wanted more, I told you the truth. I don’t know what I want in terms of relationships right now, I have a lot going on and I want to focus on those things.
You called these “bullshit excuses.”
First of all, I don’t believe in bullshit excuses so that statement itself was an insult to my character. I’m the kind of girl who bites off more than she can chew and always finishes what she begins so when I say I can’t handle something, I’m being sincere, honest, and vulnerable; something that isn’t easy for me to do.
You refused to accept me before getting to know me and instead developed feelings for this idea in your mind of who I was suppose to be.
When I told you about my unconventional living situation this summer, how I’m working two jobs, practicing my saxophone, and taking care of myself because I get anxiety if I don’t have my priorities in place, you couldn’t just comply with my reasoning.
You acted as if my anxiety is less complex than it is. As if anxiety is a “one size fits all” trendy illness you claimed, “I know how to deal with girls who have anxiety,” but I never asked you to deal with my anxiety.
Then you tried to belittle me by criticizing the way I choose to cope. You said, “Well I would think that you would want someone to hold you and tell you it’s going to be okay at the end of the day”–
Well your assumption was wrong because I’ve worked too hard to become dependent on people like you, I already know I’ll be okay.
You accused me of leading you on. I apologized because I thought perhaps I gave you the wrong idea, but after letting myself reflect, I wish I hadn’t apologized at all.