You’ve fallen too many times, involved yourself with too many people, and gave chance after chance. But now you’re exhausted. You’ve been through unspeakable things and became so tired of cleaning up your baggage every time you left that you eventually stopped unpacking it altogether. There is much left within you that you can’t let go of because you don’t want, don’t know how to talk about it just as much as no one wants to hear it. You want to be in love, you fall in love with people all the time.
But you distance yourself so no one finds out the truth.
Everyone seems happy, hopeful, and you pretend to be as excited as people who are in love. But your heart is breaking. Your heart is breaking and you’ve forgotten how to cry. Despite everything you just remember not to let the world make you hard, so you smile, hoping that you can trick your heart to match your face. Some days it works. Sometimes you reflect on things and when you speak them out loud you become dizzy because it feels like it happened to someone else. People think you are so strong and as much as you want to believe them, you still struggle to hold on to keep moving forward.
You question your ability to love because you were a child born as a result of lust. So maybe, just maybe that’s who you’re supposed to be, the in between, the broken, the other woman, friends with benefits, and so forth. However, you cannot bring yourself to accept this because you work hard, have passions, and are tired of being used for your outer shell when you have so much more to offer.
You’ve fallen for people who don’t recognize your worth, whose minds are too small to understand the complexity of yours, the people who didn’t have the endurance to carry your baggage.
So maybe, it’s not your problem at all.