I have made the choice to take time away from the idea of dating. I am not making this choice because I am wallowing, rather I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel– I have found peace and clarity throughout the fog of heartbreak endured over the past few months. I honestly feel happier and healthier on my own than I have ever felt in a relationship.
I remember someone telling me shortly after my last break up that I was not upset about the relationship ending, but I was afraid of the idea of being alone. While I can understand that person’s point of view, I do not think that was the case at all; I believe I was overwhelmed with the idea that the most vulnerable, authentic version of myself was hideous enough scare to scare someone away. I guess you could say I feared the inability to be loved “unconditionally”. This fear is what inspired me to finally engage in the one thing I have control of– Myself.
These are the pros that helped me to make this decision:
1. I am twenty-two and figuring things out.
I think there is a good portion of your twenties that allows you the time to discover yourself if you haven’t already, This is the time to meet new people, do things spontaneously, be selfish, and unapologetically adventurous. The last thing I need at this age is someone keeping me in check, judging me, or holding me back from experiencing life.
2. I am in college.
I am in college working on two degrees: Music Education and English. I do not need someone to turn my productivity into worry over things lustful or superficial. I could be practicing my saxophone with that time. I could also be writing a short story, an article, a poem, a piece of music, lyrics, etc. To sum it up, I have better things to do with my time so I will no longer allow someone to waste it.
3. Friendship is forever.
I have a tendency to disappear from the friends I have when I am in a relationship. I take these friends for granted until I need them to scrape me off the ground after I am dumped. I don’t want to be that girl anymore, I want to give them the same quality friendship that they have given to me.
4. I have goals and dreams to chase.
I do not want someone to fall in love with the “rough draft“ version of me. I know I am going to change with every accomplishment and who’s to say that the “final draft” of me would settle for the same person that the rough draft did?
5. I want to meet someone through common interests and passions.
I do not want to go on dating sites in hopes of finding “the one”. I would much rather fall for someone because we have similar interests that bring us together. Dating seems much too staged; If I am suppose to have a partner, life will let it happen.