I am in dating limbo. After a break up caused by graduation, followed by a month long excursion to the mysterious countries of Southeast Asia, and a relocation to sunny California I decided that maybe it was time to get back on the horse. After all I had my time to mourn, stuff my face with delicious foreign (preferably fried) food, and expand my horizons. Now it was time to see if the grass was truly greener on the other side.
So after about a month and a half in California I decided to jump on the Tinder bandwagon. That’s right people. I caved. Long after making fun of my friends for their Tinder dates and swiping left for the girls I didn’t think were good enough for my guy friends, I joined. I picked out some acceptable photos of myself, the majority of which for some reason have me in sunglasses, professed my love for puppies and chocolate, and sat back to watch what happened.
And you know what, it wasn’t a train wreck. Sure I may have told a man who only had one thing on his mind that I was a social climber, and therefor entirely too busy for him, but he probably was not worth meeting if he didn’t pick up on my extreme sarcasm. I talked to some interesting, kind, intelligent people and even committed to a date.
My first date in approximately a year, since I had nervously giggled and aggressively expressed my interest in the cute boy from my Capstone class. The date went well – nothing like the Tinder horror stories I was used to hearing. We had an engaging conversation for almost two hours over coffee. Leaving the date, I was sure I was going to spend some time with him again soon. I was convinced I was ready and eager to be dating again. I even made plans with another well-traveled gentleman for the following week. But as the weekend passed, these new men in my life seemed like more of a nuisance than anything and the plans seemed more daunting than exciting.
Why was I feeling so unenthused? As a single, cute, college graduated, twenty-something I should be out flirting up a storm. As dispersed as my friends were throughout the country, they were doing exactly this. When I told them I was going to cancel my date, their first question was naturally, “Why?” Why indeed. I finally came clean with myself. While all signs were pointing to right now being an ideal dating time, the reality of the situation is that I’m perfectly happy being single. Very single. Single not in the way of consistently going out to meet men and hoping that the next man I meet at the bar is going to be my great love, but in completely enjoying my own company.
Making plans and chatting with these men was fun, but it also brought on an oddly familiar wave of stress and pressure that I did not feel like dealing with. At first I felt slightly odd and bad about it. But why should I feel bad about the fact that I simply did not feel like dating? Anyone. It wasn’t anything these Tinder guys said or did but purely that no one, nor the effort, appealed to me. And that’s perfectly okay. I am busy trying to build a career in a new state, make new friends that will hopefully outlast any relationships woes, get back into old hobbies and build new ones.
I can say with confidence that is enough for me right now. Just because in our pretty young heads we should be out dancing the night away with some tall, dark, handsome stranger that we simply can’t wait to hear from again, doesn’t mean we have to be. It is important to reflect, especially after the end of the mourning period of a break-up, to become grounded once more. Remember the things that you enjoy doing for yourself that maybe got lost amidst your former relationship. Take the time to appreciate yourself, your talents and interests. Re-evaluate your own happiness and goals.
When I feel at peace with the jumble of thoughts in my mind, then perhaps I will go soul searching for another soul, in the form of a tall, dark, handsome stranger. But for now, I am going to hang out in dating limbo.