Is It Ever Okay To Crush On Someone Other Than Your Life Partner?

iStockPhoto.com / Gremlin
iStockPhoto.com / Gremlin

So you’ve finally found The One: a significant other you plan on spending the rest of your life with. The excitement, the butterflies, the mushiness will all last forever, right? Well, not for everyone. Sometimes, as life happens and you grow old together, some of those feelings change. I’m not saying they change enough to end your relationship, but maybe some of that spark has faded.

This May, I’ll be married to the love of my life (cue the “awww” comments) 8 years. We’ve made it past the 7-year itch. We are still in love just as much as we were the day we married, probably more so. However, is it okay to have a crush on someone else if you are in love? I’m not talking about Brad Pitt or Amy Adams, people you will most likely never meet, let alone have a chance with. I’m talking about the guy at the grocery store, the woman who handles your banking; are they fair game? I wasn’t sure of the answer, so I went to the streets. Okay, I didn’t ACTUALLY ask people on the street; I just posted on my social media platforms. The general consensus was “Yes, it’s okay to have a crush as long as you don’t act on it.” But is that true for everyone?

I’ve been on the Periscope app for almost a year. It’s a live streaming app that allows you to talk to people all over the world in your own little chat room where you are the visible host. Recently, I’ve developed a teensy crush on one of my chat room buddies. When he comes into the room, I get excited, and I really enjoy talking to him. I’m not completely shallow, but it doesn’t hurt that I think he’s pretty freakin’ hot.

When these feelings first started, guilt set in; I told my husband because I wasn’t sure if I was doing anything wrong. Was I? Am I? This man lives across the country, and even if he were in my backyard, I’m married and would never jeopardize my marriage. But the feelings eat away at me. Shouldn’t I only have eyes for my husband? According to my polls: no, I’m not dead, just married. I’ll be 100% honest with my readers and say that if I were single, I’d already have been on a plane to meet this man. We have some things in common, and he feels safe.

Here’s the kicker: if my husband had similar feelings for someone, and, like me, didn’t act upon them, I’d still be devastated. Why is it okay for ME to feel this way and not him? Why is there such a double standard in my brain?

I have no trust issues with my husband, and I have complete faith in him, so why would I care if he thinks another person is interesting? I don’t think it’s this way for other couples, maybe some, but I know many that wouldn’t care if their partner “liked” another person, as long as nothing happened.

Where is the line drawn? When is it emotional cheating? At what point does it become NOT okay?

I don’t wake up every day thinking of this chat room guy. I don’t dream of him while I’m sleeping. I just get a bit of the butterflies when he enters the chat. I don’t speak to him in private message via any other platform, save for the general “Hi, how are you?” on Twitter.

In this age of social media, I think we need to be extra careful about our limits and boundaries. It is far too easy, anonymously, to start a relationship with someone secretly while you are with someone else. I know my boundaries, and I have them set in place; I will NOT go any further than chatting via the streaming app and the occasional Twitter conversation. My husband will always be my number one, and I know that even when the excitement dwindles, my love for him will never fade. TC mark

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