We were young, in our early 20s. I was almost five years younger than you.
The day we met, I would later discover was the day my boyfriend died. I thought you were cute and despite having a boyfriend, I gave you my number. When you called, I was in a very dark place.
You talked me into one date, and it was perfect, but the timing was not. I’ve often thought about what would have happened if things were different, would I be where I am now? Would I have even left or stayed the naive small-town girl?
Instead, we began a relationship that neither of us could handle, many times through the years we almost got together for good, but they became missed opportunities.
The last time I heard from you was probably close to 10 years ago, I haven’t thought of you since, I have not once dreamt of a life I could have had with you in those eight years.
When you sent me a text out of the blue, there were no butterflies when I saw your name illuminated in blue. We had a brief conversation but I saw through your small talk and at that moment, I knew, you are not the one that got away.
That was the moment that I saw the glaring truth, that I had shielded my eyes from for 16 years. You never wanted anything emotional from me, I was your back up.
I was the one you called when things didn’t work out. I was the one who would have ran to you in the drop of a hat, I was the one that didn’t matter, the one you don’t introduce your family to, the one you don’t make future plans with. I was the one you wanted to meet up with when the sun went down.
I was the stupid girl who thought we had a chance.
Somewhere deep down in the dark recesses, I still care about you, of course I do. At some point, I had to stop looking back and starting looking forward and when I did, you weren’t there. I could no longer hold that torch that burned for far too long.
I wish you all the happiness in the world and I’m still happy to talk when you need a friend. I will always be happy to call you a friend.
The girl who could have been your everything