I Am Not A Convenient Love

I am not a love that is convenient.
You cannot choose to love me when it is easy,
or when it is simple or when you feel ready.

There will never be a moment our lives
when we will both be stable or secure.
A road less traveled is never paved, as they say,
and I am not sure what makes you so certain
it is worth waiting for a road that will be graciously paved for you.
I do not know what you are waiting for, but I
know that it is not me.

If you were waiting for me,
if you thought it was worth paving through
the rocks and the dirt despite how difficult
life can be, then surely you would have picked up the rocks
and hurled them aside
there would be dirt on your shirt and there
would be dust in your eyes, and
somehow, you would still be the most beautiful being I have ever seen.

But there is no dirt on your shirt,
your muscles are weak and
your eyes dim even more each time I gaze into them,
longing for who you once were.
You are not the same person I wanted to
carry with me down this road, and I surely am
not the same person you first met,
Because of this, I am changed.

I have changed because of you,
changed for you, changed with you.
But this does not make our love so simplistic
that only one of us will continue to carry the burden.

And when you decide, if ever, that you have changed,
I will have already paved the road and crossed the seas
onto the next challenge in life.
I will not be there.

I am not a convenient love
but I swear, I would have been worth it.