I spent so much time making excuses for you: explaining away the negative behavior and forgiving the same mistakes over and over again. I spent so much time convincing myself that I was just being too hard on you, that I was part of the problem because I wasn’t trying hard enough to fix our relationship. I tried to convince myself that this was just part of the ups and downs of every romance, so I settled for a toxic and distorted version of love.
But, after awhile, I finally realized that a relationship centered around excuses would never make it. I realized that you had no desire to change and made no effort to move forward together as a couple. I realized that I was spending all of my time trying to convince myself and everyone around me that this was normal, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
You never wanted to be held accountable for anything. I was the one always apologizing, for my mistakes and for yours. I was the only one who was trying to make us better, the only one who was fighting for us. But, I’ve finally realized that nothing about this relationship is worth fighting for.
Because, the truth is, you shouldn’t have to make excuses for love. You shouldn’t have to settle for a relationship where you aren’t being treated right or there is no forward progress being made. The right relationship will be about constant growth, mutual growth.
And, I tried for so long to explain to you how I was feeling. I tried to make you see why this wasn’t working in hopes that my concerns would eventually resonate with you. But, all it ever did was result in a conversation to appease me followed by no change in your actions.
It’s not that you’ve made mistakes because we all do. It’s that you were more attached to your excuses than you were to growing as a person and building a better future with me. You never wanted to change, and I should have seen it in your actions.
It took me a long time to realize this, but I have finally learned that I am worth more than this. I am worth more than the constant excuses and the heartbreak that goes along with trying to piece my tired heart back together over and over again. I am worth a relationship with a foundation of mutual respect and effort.
I’m worth a love that grows and energizes, not this toxic version of romance I have become so accustomed to.
I’m finally allowing myself to see things as they are instead of what I feel they should be. I’m finally allowing myself to let go and move forward.
And, I finally know what I want and what I’m willing to wait for if I don’t have it. I am worthy of more than excuses. I am worth the effort, and I will never allow myself to settle for less than that again.