When a relationship ends, we are left with so many unanswered questions. We play back memories in our minds and think about if there was anything that we could have done differently. We overanalyze the past agonizing over whether we ruined our future.
And, we often think that closure might help us mend our broken hearts. That if we somehow had an explanation, we could move forward with a clean slate. But, most relationships don’t give us that closure and that clean break. We are left forever changed, vulnerable in new ways, nervous to ever fall in love again.
We scrutinize ourselves and obsess over social media posts that may give us an idea of what our ex is up to. We do our best to post the most flattering updates of ourselves to make them feel like they’re missing out on something great. We jump every time our phone lights up in hopes that they may have changed their mind about the break up, only to be completely discouraged when we look at the name on the screen.
We debate whether or not we should have any contact with the person at all. We weigh pros and cons of trying to maintain a friendship afterward because friendship says, “I’m a cool girl and can handle this. It’s totally fine.”
We enter into this post-relationship competition to find new love while also being completely terrified at the idea of another relationship. But, we want to look like we are thriving, even if that’s not the case.
And, the truth is, sometimes the only closure we can get from a relationship is time.
Time that we use to move on, whatever that might look like. Time that we try and maintain contact with the person only to realize in the end that it makes the healing process longer. Time that we lose ourselves in the heartache and our self-esteem bottoms out until one day we start to pick up our own pieces and see ourselves as the strong people that we are.
Relationships are messy, and moving on from them messier still. Because no matter what, every relationship is going to change you. When you open yourself up to another human being and they turn their back on that, it’s impossible not to feel bruised and inadequate.
But, when enough time has passed, we will find that we made it through the worst of it.
That our hearts were shattered but we found the bravery to clean up someone else’s mess and start over. We may never get the answers to our questions about what went wrong and how we got here. At first, that will feel unfair and unsurmountable.
Until one day, the questions don’t matter quite as much as the answers that you have found for yourself. The answer that someone is going to love you for exactly who you are someday. The answer that the heartbreak will fade into indifference someday. The answer that no love worth fighting for is going to just up and leave with no explanation.
So, if your last relationship left you with no closure, I hope you find closure in the fact that something better is out there for you. I hope you find closure in the fact that you are strong enough to weather this setback. And, someday, when you look back on this, you’ll realize that your heart kept right on beating, even while it was breaking. And, you’ll realize that a heart like that deserves better.
And that’s exactly what is out there for you.