We always hear about “the girls who feel too much”, but what about the girls that don’t feel enough? And even more than that, the girls that can’t feel enough; those who are moving through their lives trying to connect and to feel, but they just can’t. Maybe they’ve even learned how feign emotion so people won’t suspect them of not feeling anything. I think it’s time to shed some light on these ladies.
If you’re a girl who can’t feel enough, you’re constantly worried people will know. You’re worried people will figure out your deepest, darkest secret, and that is that no matter how hard you try, how many sad books you read in hopes of a reaction, how many times you’ve made yourself cry – you can never, ever seem to actually feel. You worry that people will judge you if they find out. You’re worried that they will mistake this inability for a choice and think you’re a bad person. But I want to clear that up right now – you are not a bad person. I need you to understand that.
If you’re a girl who can’t feel enough, you know how hard it is to pretend.
You’re pretending to feel something when you’re best friend gets dumped because you don’t want them to be upset, but you can’t seem to really feel for them. As they cry, you are sitting there thinking “Come on. Just one tear. One sob. One anything.” You pretend to be connected to a sad movie when you and your friends go to see it. When you leave the theater and your friends are discussing the parts that made them tear up or broke their heart, and you blindly agree with them that you teared up multiple times because it just really hit your heart. When, in reality, you’re replaying the entire movie desperately trying to grip onto anything that might possibly make you feel.
If you’re a girl you can’t feel enough, you’re scared.
It’s pretty much the only emotion you can feel and even then you’re not really sure if you’re actually feeling it. You wonder if people see through your act. You wonder if people care. You wonder if you’re the only one.
You’re in a constant state of worry, fear, and panic while at the same time being completely calm. It’s the most confusing place to be in and you have no idea how to leave.
If you’re a girl who can’t feel enough, you’re not alone. There are more of us out there, worry not. We are just as scared as you. We pretend just as well. Even though it feels like no one else understands, we do. We are not bad people, and we still deserve love even though it’s really hard for us to reciprocate it.
We can get through this.