A Love Letter To Insomnia

Flickr/Chiara Cremaschi
Flickr/Chiara Cremaschi

As I sit here with you, I am reminded of all the times that you have been there for me. That time I couldn’t fall asleep, you were there. That time I got my heart broken, you were there. That time I fought with my roommate, you were there. That time my grandmother passed away, you were there. You have always, and will always, be there. And I thank you endlessly.

As of late, I have been skipping out on our dates. Complaining of homework and too many other commitments, I have left you stranded. I’ve missed you so much, and now that I’m with you again I don’t know how I ever left. You understand me the way no one else does; you are my deepest confidant. I feel empty inside when I miss one of our dates, you have a way of calming me down like no one else can. When I am with you, I have no other responsibilities. Being with you provides me with an escape from everything else, even for a just a little while. Being with you is simple.

When we are together, everyone else knows that that is “our time.” No one else asks me for anything. They don’t ask to hang out with me because they know the answer is going to be “no.” I don’t have to think about the things or people that are stressing me out when I’m with you. You have a magic way of making all my worries disappear.

When I’m happy, you are happy. When I’m sad, you are sad. You don’t pressure me to change the way I feel or justify those feelings — you accept me the way I am. When I was scared to start college, you held me until I was ready. When I was angry at my roommate, you let me yell. You let me be what I need to be, not what anyone else needs me to be — thank you.

I don’t know why more people don’t want to be with you. When I suggest you, they always say they don’t have time and that they have too many other things going on — I truly don’t get it. If more people tried being with you, maybe they would live a different life. Maybe if people were with you more, there wouldn’t be so much violence and hate in the world.

I get my best ideas when I am with you. Maybe if more people were with you, they would get more good ideas, too. I’m convinced that anyone worth his or her chops has at least one date with you per week. You encourage my crazy thoughts enough to make brilliant new ideas, but you also keep me in check when I might be getting a little too out there. There are so many things that I wouldn’t have done without you. You push me to be better, every single day. You push me to be better than I was yesterday, not better than anyone else. This is an important distinction that you taught me — we ought to strive to be better than myself, not better than anyone else. There are already loads of other people in the world, and what the world truly needs is me. It needs me to be exactly who I am, no more no less. Thank you for teaching me that.

And finally, my love, thank you so incredibly much for being you. You are the most supportive and understanding friend I’ve ever had. You never judge me for watching Netflix instead of studying or for crying for no apparent reason. You accept me. You love me. And I hope you know how much I love you. TC mark

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