1. The one-sided ones. If you reach out constantly, and they never do, and your entire text history is 80% blue (you) and 20% white (them), it might be time to just stop reaching out. What’s the point? Making plans with someone you know only has a 60% chance of actually showing up is exhausting.
2. The seemingly self-aware one. If you have a friend who, let’s be real, has a lot of qualities you don’t like, but openly admits them all whenever you’re together, then you have a ‘seemingly self-aware friend’ on your hands. They are just like the ex you think you can change. In reality, this friend acts like they’re going to change, but they’re not, so you may as well stop letting them annoy the hell out of you.
3. The What Are We Doing Tonight friends. The friends who are only down to hang out if it means PARTY PARTY PARTY. These are the friends who reach out every Friday, ask what you’re doing, and then if you invite them over to just stay in and drink wine, they stop responding or make up some lame-ass excuse.
4. The friend who is only around when they aren’t in a relationship. And then the minute they have an S.O., they’re gone and you WILL NOT see them again (until the relationship ends). If your friend forces you to route for their relationships to fail, you probably don’t need to stay friends.
5. The friends who are actually friends with your ex, who you still talk to as a courtesy. CUT THEM OFF. Don’t overthink it. Don’t think, “Oh, well, word could get back to my ex that I was mean, and that would reflect poorly on me…” No. If being friends with your ex’s friends still causes you any sort of pain or nostalgia, stop hanging out with them immediately.
6. The long-distance friends you grew apart from. There are the long-distance friends who, when you see each other, make you feel like you’re picking up right where you left off. That’s amazing. But then there are the ones you’ve semi-lost touch with who, when you do see them, make you realize you hardly have anything in common anymore. And that’s okay, because ultimately, you just can’t stay friends with everyone.
7. The passive aggressive put down friend. The friend who acts like they are complimenting you while really saying something backhanded and negative about you. You don’t need that kind of shit in your life. You’re a goddamn adult. Just stop seeing anyone who drags you down.
8. The one who never pays for themselves. You don’t need to have friends who make the same amount as you do, by any means. But you don’t want a financial burden of a friend who cannot pay for anything. If they ask you out to drinks, and you automatically groan because you know they will have “forgotten their wallet,” or claim that they can just barely pay rent, and then you’ll have to pick up the bill, just don’t go.
9. The friend you’ve always been weird around because you guys hooked up years ago and told no one. If you’ve graduated college and this mistake happened one drunken night three years ago and it still isn’t unweird, it’s never getting better. Just say bye.
10. The old roommate you didn’t actually get along with. Once you’re out of that apartment/house/dorm, you can be honest about your feelings toward them. If you want to try to patch things up, now that you don’t live under the same roof, go for it. But if you’re totally burnt out on their presence, you don’t have to feel obligated to reach back out to them.
11. The one who is always trying to beat you — in the most obvious ways. Again: you’re an adult. You do not have time for passive aggressive drama.
12. The one that 100% tries to flirt with your S.O. That person is no friend of yours, and that is completely inappropriate and unacceptable at any age.