A Few Gross But Funny Things Yogis Don’t Talk About (But Probably Should)

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Edit Sztazics / Unsplash

Yoga is my sanctuary, my place to decompress, detox, and shape my body and mind. I regularly get my ass kicked five days a week at Sculpt Power Yoga. Physical fitness not only regulates my body but my mind. And yours too, if you’re wondering. It has become a healthy “addiction” and my yoga mat is a sacred spot. One I also respect for others. I invite you to explore your own mindfulness on the mat, with a few gross things hot yogi Instagram Influencers don’t talk about.

Excessive Sweating

The yogi to your right is leaking. I mean sweat is your fat crying, but this guy is oozing. You may be sweating too much when you ring out your shirt and sweat pours onto your fellow yogi trying to catch Savasana vibes. (A foot away.) Most of this happens with male yogi’s (sorry, guys) and they seem to be totally unaware. It can be distracting and unhygienic for people around you when your personal sweat factor reaches beyond your mat. Standing staff, airplane, warrior two, all with dozens of your sweat beads landing on others.

Sweating can be great. It pushes out toxins. Reduces stress. Release endorphins, and just feels good. Excessive sweating can also be a signal to see a medical professional. It can be a sign of incorrect breathing or poor fitness levels. Hey, we all have to start somewhere, just watch your sweat radius.

Nasty Pants

A surprising amount of people leave their yoga clothes on after a workout. Yoga pant sales are up. Denim sales are down. No wonder, with high end, high-performance athleisure wear being a norm in many situations. From picking up the kids to running errands, weekend events, and even more formal get-togethers, why should we bat an eye? I’ve been guilty of it myself. Doing a sweat-filled power yoga class, then perching myself in front of the computer to get some writing done. But ewww.

This is where bacteria thrive. They love warm, moist areas. Everything from breakouts and cysts, to ingrown hairs can form in areas steeped in sweat. Worst case, flesh-eating staphylococcus can form. So, unless you were raised by pirates and hippies, shut that bacteria down. Wash your yoga clothes after each workout to avoid bacteria.

Sheer Yoga Pants

Please don’t wear sheer yoga pants, for the sake of yourselves and others. Nothing like taking a big inhale, raising your chest to the sky and opening to up dog to gaze straight into the derriere of sheer pant, no panties, down-dogging. Exercising without underwear is one thing. Sheer yoga pants don’t belong in the studio.

Need to do a self-check? Bend over in the mirror in your yoga pants, sans underwear. Nothing visible? Check. Comfortable for lunges and squats? Check. You’re set. I’m not one to spend hundreds on branded yoga clothes, so functionality and price are key, and yes you can get well priced non-sheer yoga pants.

Grumbling and Grunting

The grunts, blows, and heavy breathing does not make you better at yoga. But it can break the flow of other yogis. Yes, sometimes yoga hurts, and holding for another three breaths that turn into 20 can turn muscles to jello. Feel this. An hour of bending and pushing with the mantra “I will bend so I won’t break” meditation gets you in your vibe. But throughout you’re really working on tuning out ragged heavy breathing, and excessive moaning that rivals tantric sex.

There is no need for extra noises outside the “audible exhale” and occasional sounds of a popping knee or elbow. Hey deep throat, you may want to hit a shamanic sweat lodge for that grunting. Breathwork is valid and has a place. Grunting and hissing in yoga does not make it better. Just breathe. We are all sharing space.

Smells and Shared Air

Yep, just like an airplane, we are up close and personal with our air. Especially during hot yoga. Swampy. Bring on summer. Please open that peppermint spray. We smell. Sweat, passing gas, feet, bad breath with too many big exhales down your neighbors back, and the occasional hurl when someone has pushed too far. Smells. It’s enough to let out a few micro-aggressions. Namaste, betches.

Yoga is movement, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. And there are plenty of things you’ll wonder about. How do I do crow pose? What if I fart? Where does everyone get the cool cultish yoga pants? What if I fall? It doesn’t matter, nobody really cares, who knows, and you will. Don’t do it for the Instagram photo, do it for you. TC mark

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