I have been taking notes. I’m not a writer.
I have been humming. I’m not a rock star.
In this cosmic empire we are all different. We each have our own profession, which we record on the business cards and pass them around. Hi, I’m a CEO. Hello, I lead the company. I sell wines. I’m an artist. I’m an actor. I’m marketing specialist. I’m outstanding. I’m beautiful. I’m invincible. I’m not hurting. I’m not!
We shine and we are reflections of each other glitters. We live in a disco ball. We exist between irregular happy hours and happy ending rhythm. We breathe each other’s Chanel and sweat.
We create ourselves every day- we paint ourselves, frame ourselves and polish, polish, and polish this image of ourselves! And then we grow tired. We get tired of fictional games, fictional friends, fictional jokes, cocktails, fictional stories and lies. We forget about silly board game, unfabled time alone, unfabled grandmother and grandfather, unfabled birch juice, unfabled religion, marriage and funerals, unfabled truths.
And on Sundays we are all busy with acting busy. We are busy with the recovery from Saturday, with vacuuming home, with shopping, with checking out the new organic food recipes, with thoughts of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (!) and Saturday (!!). Oh, yeah. And then we are busy planning the New Year and next summer, because if someone asks, I will have a plan and a control over my life, my dog, my wife, husband and my nanny. I am the lord of my life, and the prince and I have money – check, check!
And then we make commitments. We pledge to quit smoking (yeah, cliché, ciao!), live healthier, not drink every night, write letters home, sew, learn to dive, save money, not to look so many TV series, not to go everywhere by taxi, not shouting, save yourself, not be superstitious, pray, learn all African countries from the head, juggle with three or more balls, do a backflip.
We are very resolute humans.
Then, one day, we melt in front of the mirror. We don’t stop. We pull ourselves back together, paint our lips red and we keep going forward. We are not letting ourselves to melt, not letting ourselves to breathe and not letting ourselves to be alone for the moment.
We are afraid. We are simply lonely.
It’s a luxury to be yourself in this cosmic empire. Just simply like that – between breakfasts, lunch and dinners without unnecessary stress to jump, to run, to prove or to achieve. To live and love in the most simple and banal way!
To be the best version of myself!
You know, I just want it simple – write, bake, hum, and smile, be silent, run, relax, stumble and get back up.