Thought Catalog

13 Things Men Secretly Love About Sex (But Will Never Admit)

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Twenty20 / @ivanmarkin

1. A Moment Of Vulnerability

Stress relief. Yeah, they’ll go, “I gotta get laid, man,” but they’re really saying, “I’m losing my mind to stress and I can’t fucking relax, and I really need like fifteen minutes of success and vulnerability to cope.”

FaxCelestis

2. Real Validation

Honestly, just the validation that I’m not a completely unwanted sack of shit. That itself is far better than the actual act.

ThePewterPeenor

3. Being Wanted In A Great Big World

The feeling of being wanted in a world where you mean little.

turtlewinstherace

4. To Feel Desired

A lot of men are desperate to feel desired.

Always hearing people say the reason guys send random dick pics is they think “I would love to get nudes, so she will like this” or they “get off” imposing their dick on someone else.

I’m sure those are the reason some of the time, but I have a theory that far more often it is a Hail Mary to feel desired. Doesn’t make sending random nudes right, but this is also the number one reason women send nudes. They want to feel desired. It’s just met with a successful response far more often.

That’s my armchair psychologist theory at least.

psycho-logical

5. Everything Bared And Vulnerable

Sometimes it’s just nice to be naked around someone.

huggiesdsc

6. How Fun It Can Be

I’d have to say that in my experience, men rarely discuss sex, period, and even more rarely positives to sex.

Perhaps my perception is colored by living in a “quiet culture”, but talking about sex was something one did as teenagers. In my adult life, I can count the number of men whom I have had sex-themed conversations with on one hand – and I’m a fairly extroverted, sociable fellow. And when those conversations have occurred, most of them were problem-centered (“dude, she won’t let me anymore”, “ugh man how can you still even desire your girlfriend after X years? I just can’t get it up anymore when I look at mine”).

Reckoning over what conversations I can recall, I’d have to say the least discussed positive to sex is how genuinely funny it can be – how much fun can be had by light-hearted humor in bedroom, how good it feels to laugh during sex, how playful sex can be.

middaysun

7. It Can Truly Bring Real Happiness

It’s a happiness unrelated to anyone other than your partner, rest of the world seems to not matter at all for a while; you two are the universe.

roastbeeftacohat

8. It’s A Connection Like No Other

The emotional connection that enhances sex with someone you mutually love and care about, and really elevates it to “making love”, is what makes this a “10/10, would recommend” experience.

PacSan300

9. It’s Engaging With Something Bigger Than Yourself

You can’t put “making love” into words. Making love is this huge idea in your mind that looks so tiny when you type it out.

CptAustus

10. You Can Forget How You See Yourself

That for a few moments I feel attractive.

bapper

11. An Escape And Refuge

Sex is pretty much unlike anything else and even though we see it and hear about it in our everyday lives now I still don’t think it can be stressed enough just how much of an escape sex can be for guys, especially guys who are under a lot of pressure. Sex with my girlfriend is pretty much my refuge from everything else in my life and while it’s hard to separate that from the physical act of sex, without the refuge sex just wouldn’t be as interesting or fun.

—batboy

12. You Can Stop Thinking

I have fairly bad clinical anxiety and I swear that sex is the only time in my entire life that I can really stop thinking, worrying, being crippled, and just feel with my heart and my hands. That someone else, my gf, is helping me achieve this piece is kind of a miracle to me.

—throwaway209647

13. You Can Be Yourself

I’m pretty much expected to keep it together all the time. I have to keep it together at work. I have to keep it together for my very screwed up family. I have to keep it together for my friends who need help or need to relax. It sometimes feels like a constant facade.
Sex, with the woman I love, is the one time I don’t have to keep it together at all. I need that like a drowning man needs a helping hand. I don’t know what I would do without it. Frankly, if she really knew how much I need her I’m afraid it would scare her.
—Anti32569 TC mark

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