1. Know What You’re Signing Up For
“A friend of mine recently told me she doesn’t feel compelled to tell her partners about her genital warts because 1) ‘everyone has some form of them’ 2) ‘they can go away after a few years.’
I think that helped me realize that at the end of the day, you have no clue what this person has been up to before meeting you and how they feel about your own life. That doesn’t mean avoid it but know what you are signing up for.”
2. Be Honest About What Works For You
“I don’t really have a problem if other people do it, but I’ve learned that it’s not something that works well for me. I need to have a fair amount of trust in someone before I’m willing to get naked and vulnerable with them, and I’ve got some baggage around sex and attractiveness that makes it even trickier.”
3. There’s Too Much Pressure To Have Sex Too Soon
“I’m very much turned off by someone who’s had numerous one night stands. I’m also not a fan of the casual sex culture going on. Two enthusiastic adults? Great, do you. But I think there’s a lot of pressure around having sex early on in meeting someone and some people just give in. I think that’s just as unhealthy as religion pressuring abstinence til marriage.”
4. Won’t Date Men Who Have Casual Sex
“I don’t care if other people do it. Personally speaking, I’ve not done it and I won’t date men who have done it. I feel the same way with tattoos: I don’t care if people get them but I don’t find them attractive.
You are free to find things not attractive for you without restricting the freedom of others to do as they want.”
5. As Long As Everyone’s Consenting Then Go For It
“Is everyone an adult? Is everyone consenting? Then go for it.
I had lots of casual sex when I was single. I don’t give a fuck. It’s pretty common to do where I live.
I wouldn’t mind having a partner who had lots of casual sex as long as they didn’t mind me having done it too.
Oh, also, are they being safe? That’s a very important one. Don’t want anyone to get pregnant or catch an STD…”
6. Tired Of The Pressure To Want Casual Sex
“I don’t care for it but I also don’t care or judge if others do it, just, safe, sane, consensual. I do get tired of the fact that a woman not wanting casual sex is linked to stereotypical attitudes about sex, intimacy and bonding. I get along with people very well but I’m not a social butterfly, it takes more effort for myself to get that close to other people and vice versa. It’s not a superior or inferior way of being.”
7. Judging anyone For Casual Sex Is Super Shitty
“I’m fine with people finding casual sex unattractive, but thinking it means something unsavory about a person’s character isn’t okay. The assumption that it automatically means something bad about that person, their personality, their views on relationships and monogamy, without knowing those things, is super shitty.”
8. A Bunch Of One Night Stands Is A Red Flag
“Depends on what is meant by ‘casual sex.’ A structured FWBs type scenario? Fine by me. A string of one night stands with strangers? Not cool, and way too risky for me to just gloss over that little tidbit of history. I won’t say it’s a dealbreaker, but it’s definitely a red flag.”
9. Casual Sex Is Very Male-Centric
“I think that there are many risks- physical, emotional, otherwise- that come with casual sex. I’ve been called antiquated and repressed for this view and resent that implication. Anecdotally, I hear casual sex is very male-centric, often not satisfying for women, and, IME, I’ve never known people who engage in it who don’t engage in many other risk-taking behaviors.
All in all, I’m glad that I had the foresight to make the choice that was right for me to not have it. I hear my friends’ experiences with dating and, frankly, so many of their issues come down to them thinking they can separate sex from emotion, and it’s left many of them hurt, lonely, dumped – I think it’s very common to end a FWB that way.”
10. It’s Too Intimate To Take Casually
“Don’t care if others like it, but I personally don’t want to and probably wouldn’t. But for maybe a kinda different reason: I find sex to be so close and personal, wet, sloppy, kinda gross, comical, grimacing, lots of weird shit – the idea of a complete stranger getting all up in hurr is very off putting. I need to quite like someone to be happy to look up into their ridiculous sweating cum face a few inches from mine, y’know?”
11. Do What’s Right For You No Matter What Others Say
“When I was in my early twenties I tried to engage in casual sex because I thought that’s what women my age were supposed to do. I quickly learned it wasn’t for me. Do what feels right for you. Everyone else does, so why should they criticize you for doing the same?”
12. It’s A Great Way To Get Off
“Casual doesn’t mean careless. I think it’s a really marvelous way of getting off, especially for those of us who have broken libidos.”
13. Warming Up To The Idea
“I recently got out of a long term monogamous relationship. Before entering that relationship I was pretty against casual sex, even FWB. After years in a pretty unhealthy, emotionally abusive relationship in which I was told to ‘stop being promiscuous’ when I tried to initiate sex or flirted with him and made to feel bad for basically being attracted to him in general, I started re-thinking sexuality in general (and my own of course).
Now that I’m out, I am not necessarily against casual sex (one night stands) and I 100% understand the people’s desire for having a FWB. I do, however, agree that in one night stands you have no idea what you’re getting yourself exposed to regarding your sexual health (STDs) or even your physical health (sexual boundaries being disrespected, he turns out to be a psycho killer, etc.) So I don’t think I could be all about that life, and wouldn’t be turned off if my next partner had had some consensual ONS in the past. But I can definitely see myself having a FWB haha! You gotta get your freak on somehow.”
14. Not For Me But Lots Of Pressure To Like It
“It’s not for me, but I have no issues with other consenting adults doing as they please.
That said, I was kind of disheartened/annoyed when I was single by how having sex quickly after you start seeing someone has become a baseline expectation, to the point that you’re weird if you’re not cool with it.”
15. Casual Sex Is A Turnoff
“I generally am turned off by it. You know why? Because I value the emotional aspect of sex more and if my partner is out having one night stands he obviously doesn’t feel the same way about sex as I do. A few casual experience for me is fine, but not as a regular thing.”
16. Casual Sex Is Great For Feeling Uninhibited
“My personal opinion of casual sex is that I personally have to have vetted the person in a way that makes me okay with sex. Sometimes that means going on a date. Sometimes that means sexting before even meeting but I’ve gotten enough of their personality to want it. Of course if I meet them I’m allowed to change my mind. I like casual sex because I feel less inhibited. I don’t care what this stranger really thinks of me so I’m gonna tell him what I want and get it. But I’ve never met someone at a bar who has hit on me that I wanted to get with. They always creep me out.”
17. It’s Unhealthy If You’re Seeking Validation
“I went through waves of promiscuity at various times. It was unhealthy when I was seeking company and validation. In my mid-20s, I embraced my sexual desires, and only slept with guys I liked.
I met an awesome guy, hooked up, supposed to be NSA. We’ve been together 3 years and married for two months. We couldn’t be happier!
I guess my opinion on casual sex is: However you feel about is like, your opinion, man. If it’s a turn on, or fine by you, date people who feel the same way. Or if you don’t like casual sex, date people who feel the same way. I’d think it’s part of basic sexual compatibility.
But you might also be missing out. Not on sex, but on an awesome person you want to be with for the rest of your life.”