A girl dating on Tinder had an experience where a very attractive guy insisted on knowing for sure whether they were going to have sex on their first date and, if not, he didn’t want to go out. He didn’t even want to meet in person first without knowing if they were going to have sex.
Do all guys expect immediate sex from girls they meet online?
1. Absolutely Not
“No, you are not obligated to have unconditional sex with a complete stranger. If that’s what he’s looking for, then the impetus is on him to find someone who’s ok with that.”
2. For Some Guys, This Is how they think
“For some people, that’s how it works. You say he was really hot. That means that, for him, he probably does get upfront sexual commitment pretty frequently. That’s his standard since that’s what he gets. For normal people, probably not so much.”
3. He May Want A Relationship, Just Not With You
“I don’t intend this to come of as crude, but it will. It seems likely to me that he isn’t on the online dating site just looking for sex. He is actually looking for a relationship. Initially, he thought you might be relationship material for him, but after texting for awhile, he realized you weren’t really his type. So he was no longer interested in a relationship with you. But if you were DTF, that was fine with him. So if you wanted to get together and bang, he’d be happy to do that with you; he just didn’t want you to get together with him thinking it was going to lead to a relationship.”
4. This Is How Hook Up Culture Is
“I’m 28 and i’m seeing a 23 year old girl. I think she was sketched out that I wasn’t behaving like the guy you’re talking about. She was kind of surprised that I wanted to go out and have a second date before going home to her. I guess she had planned for some whole evening fuck-fest or something.
Anyway yeah that is how a lot of hook ups work. I find it weird and I don’t think you are wrong per se to find it weird but it certainly is normal too.”
5. Sometimes Talking Online Already Feels Like A Date
“It’s going to be different from person to person. Sometimes the online part already feels like the dating. Expecting sex to be 100% on the table is pretty fucking ridiculous, because it doesn’t matter how much you two think you’re into each other, that can change in an instant once you actually get up close and personal.
At best, clarity is important. That it’s potentially on the cards is an okay starting point, but yeah someone expecting it like you’re signing a contract is strange to me. I guess there is no general rule though, things like Tinder are sort of based around the idea of quick chat, straight into it so maybe it is more of a norm than I’m used to.”
6. Don’t Expect More Out Of Meaningless Sex
“Some people just want meaningless sex. That is okay, I am not judging we each run our own lives. At least he was up front about it. That doesn’t mean he is a good guy, just that he didn’t want to waste time on a maybe.
I would just caution you, that if you think you can go through with it, hoping for chemistry and getting something started, you are probably fooling yourself. If you want a personal connection, you need to avoid these guys. If you just want one night stands with no strings and no contact after, then this is for you.”
7. Definitely Looking For Sex
“I’m looking for at least sex. However, I’m ok meeting and if we don’t feel it, we don’t bone. We go our separate ways.
That’s kinda how I feel about relationships and sex. I mean, when a girl asks me to guarantee a relationship, and start it before we have sex. I feel like ‘let’s have sex, and see if we click in the bedroom, then I’ll know if I want a relationship.'”
8. Expecting Sex Before You’ve Even Met Is Crazy
“It’s pretty standard to meet before hand, usually for drinks, and get to know each other a little bit first. You need to confirm that neither party is a complete weirdo and that you actually have a physical attraction to each other in real life. Expecting sex from someone you haven’t even met yet is a little unreasonable, so I wouldn’t lose any sleep over him not talking to you anymore. You probably dodged a bullet.”
9. He’s Probably Had Good Luck With This Strategy
“It’s not about whether it’s weird for him to look at it that way; I think it’s weird, you think it’s weird, but that’s two of us and I’m not a guy anyone has looked at a picture of and wanted to fuck straight away. He’s probably had plenty of success with that strategy so he can do whatever. It’s more about whether you work that way, and it seems like you don’t, so don’t.
Typically, my flings and hookups started out as dates where the end-goal remained unspecified and the title of the relationship unclaimed. We just spend time, had fun, came back to my place, repeated as often as desired, moved on when it was time.
I would expect to want to see someone in person first, and I wouldn’t guarantee shit either.”
10. Everyone Is Free To Set Their Own Guidelines, Weird Or Not
“There’s no one right or wrong way. Everyone is free to set their own guidelines as far as what they want… And be very lonely when those guidelines are too rigid or strange.
I will admit in the past I have met people on the internet strictly for sex. I am always very up front about that. No need for games or trying to trick people. And I do think it was odd of him to object to even meeting in person first to see if there’s any attraction or chemistry. That’s a very reasonable and normal request.”
11. This is what a hookup is
“Tinder was generally a ‘hookup” app but seems it’s slowly being taken over by girls who are offended that you’d make that assumption.
That’s more or less exactly what a hook-up is. Going on a few dates and having sex is a casual relationship or FWBs.
Everyone has different expectations. Hopefully people can at least be a little respectful when they realize they made incorrect assumptions about the other.”
12. Fine With Getting To know someone before a hookup
“I’d love to just get to fuck every cute girl I talk to on the internet, but I’m happy to go out for coffee/drinks/dinner/dating whatever first if that’s what they want to do. And I don’t mind doing it, if a girl is a good lay, I’m going to want to fuck her more than once.”
13. The Hottest People Can Demand Whatever They Want…Cause They Always Get It
“People of both genders that are in the top 5-10% on the hotness scale pretty much expect the world to revolve around what they want. Why? Because it does. Yes, there are pockets of resistance (like you for example), but overall, when they want something, they get it. So, they can demand what they want, because they’ll get it. Maybe not from you, but from the next girl, or the one after that…or the next ten after that…”