1. The Perfect Co-Parents
I got pregnant in college with a guy I had slept with only a few times. I told him and after deciding to keep the baby let him know that he could choose to be involved but if he was he would not be in and out of the child’s life. I also told him if he did not want to be involved I would not seek any type of child support or money because I didn’t want that to be his deciding factor. We spoke maybe three times while I was pregnant and one of those times was meeting each other’s parents and our parents meeting each other which was pretty fucking awkward. I wouldn’t even let him in the room during delivery.
BUT he fell in love with our son the second he saw him. We never tried to date and we’re better coparents because of that. There’s no animosity or anger towards each other. No jealousy over new partners. And he’s an amazing dad. We’re able to coparent as friends and he’s a better parent than a lot of people I know that had kids with boyfriends/girlfriends!
2. “We Have Two Choices”
I was 21 and had been casually seeing a guy (who was soon to move overseas) for ~4 months when I found out I was pregnant. He suggested termination, I slept on it, and then I told him that I was going to go ahead with it.
I very strongly felt that it was my decision and my responsibility and I had no intention of forcing him to be a parent, so I suggested that given his feelings he should continue with his plans and that I would simply put unknown on the birth certificate when the time came. I did not push him at all and made it clear I would seek no money or anything from him.
He slept on it. The next day he came to me and said “look, we can’t do that. One way or another, I want to be involved. So, maybe I go away and you parent and in 20 years that child will have had a single mum and a dad who loves him but doesn’t see him enough OR, we can have a go at it. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work and we break up, and in 20 years that child will have had a single mum and a dad who loves him but doesn’t see him enough. We literally have nothing to lose!”
10 years on we are still together and now married.
3. Sixteen And Pregnant
My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. People were really judgy and gave my mom and sister a hard time. When my sister was four my mom met my dad and he helped raise my sister from then on and they moved to a big city where the precise circumstances of my sister’s birth didn’t interest anyone. The bio-dad paid child-support but my sister only met him when she was 16 and didn’t like him. They never formed a relationship. When my dad officially adopted my sister 10 years ago (mom’s dying wish) we couldn’t even find the bio-dad.
Our mother never regretted it. My sister has some issues, which I think might partially stem from our grandma’s attempts at raising her (gran’s a bit of a narcissist) and from the town being so judgy. But she certainly found a good dad. Our relationship can be a bit weird due to a 22-year age gap, but most of the time we get along fine.