These 31 Ridiculously Awkward Stories Of Sex Ed Going Wrong Will Totally Make Your Day

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1. Modern Education

In 4th grade some kid asked “if a guy cums its called ejaculation, so when a girl sprays that liquid out whats that called”. The teacher said females do not do that. The boy looked at her and said trust me, they do, I’ve watched like thirty of them do it.

2. No Homo

I went to a parochial (church) school. The pastor taught the sex ed class. At the end of the class we had question time. This boy asked the teacher if it was gay to take a picture of his own dick and jerk off to it.

3. Possibly

“Can you get stuck?”

4. As Seen On TV

A kid in my sex ed class once asked “why is period blue?”. He’d obviously seen a few too many tampon/pad commercials.

5. Apparently Looking Forward To It

“So when does the blood squirt out my butt?” -from an 11 year old girl.

6. Orgasm Tampons

In grade 6 sex ed, my friend asked “Why do girls use tampons instead of pads?” and before the teacher could say anything, another kid piped up with “Because they get orgasms when they use them.”

I fucking wish, kid.

7. All Boys Think They Need Magnums

I was a student witnessing this and it’s not really a question, more of a situation.

A bit of background: the School’s gym teacher was missing her left hand at the wrist. It was a birth defect, she’s done some pretty cool things despite it.

In the 9th grade, we had her for the sex ed unit of phys ed. during her lesson, she was doing a bit about contraception. She was talking about different methods, then she got to condoms. She took one, unwrapped it, applied it over her left wrist and said something along the lines of “and most of you boys think you need magnums?”

8. Nothing To Do In Nebraska

My sex ed teacher in high school got to the chapters about STDS (semester long class about sex and other healthfulness things) and wanted to have a serious discussion because statistically speaking 1/3 students at my school had an STD already. She explains this and that the two counties feeding into our high school had some of the highest rates of STDS in the nation. She then asks: “So why do you think that is?”

Before she can get in a word about condoms and staying protected, kid pipes up: “It’s fucking Nebraska; what else are we going to do?”

9. TeaBagging

As a student I thought it would be funny to ask my grade 7 teacher what tea bagging was (I played a lot of Halo) so she went on a 15 minute speech of what it was and why people may want to do it. The class was so stunned and I was pretty embarrassed.

10. Asking The Real Questions

“If I have sex with my dad and have a kid, is the kid my brother or my son?”

11. How Many Reproductive Holes?

In freshmen health, the guys were asked “how many reproductive holes do women have” (I’m pretty sure he used the word ‘holes’). And that dick teacher made the guys write answers down on a notecard and sign our name. I was one of two people to put down ‘3’. Keep in mind i was 13 and fairly new to the anatomy game. So, my fabulous teacher calls out both our names during class and asks us to explain our reasoning. I’m sure it was hilarious for him and the other kids.

I said the urethra, anus, and vagina because freshman logic.

12. “Not An Actual Size”

When I was in sex ed it was the PE teachers job to teach it. This guy wasn’t very bright. We are sitting in the bleachers of the gym and he has a projector out and a projection screen setup. After a few minutes of talking about the class and letting kids excuse themselves and go to the library if they aren’t allowed to take the course he puts up a side of a penis. Now this image is probably 4 feet tall and he mutters, “Now keep in mind kids, this is not an actual size.”

The one black kid in our class said, “You white people are funny.”

Best moment of middle school ever.

13. Yes

Kid in Grade 6: “If a girl takes Viagra does she grow a penis?”

14. Just Enough

“How much pee do you put in?”

15. Thanks, Darius

We had an inner city kid who openly asked in a very rural conservative small school whether it was possible for”the skeet to drip down from da booty hole and get a bitch pregnant”. The teacher just looked at him and said “It is possible, not quite likely though. Great question Darius.”

16. Little Pain Balls

After testicles are mentioned for the first time a kid asked, “Are those the things that make your stomach hurt when you squeeze them?”

17. The Struggle

I remember a sex ed class where there were a bunch of index cards with sexual and non-sexual (but romantic) acts on them and as a group we were tasked with putting them in what we deemed the proper order. I couldn’t, for the life of me get the group to avoid ass to mouth.

18. “Whore-Moans”

My mother in law taught sixth grade health class one year, and told the students to write down any questions they wanted answered anonymously. Her favorite was:

“What are whore-moans?”

19. Sicko

In 8th grade health class they showed us the birth video and this one kid decided to try and secretly jerk off during it. He wasn’t very discrete and the teacher saw him walked up and told him to go to the office.

20. Battered With Questions

Not a teacher either, but my class railed the teacher with some interesting questions during our first class. It ranged from things such as, “Can a girl be impregnated by a dildo?” to “Can a girl’s vagina be burnt from too much friction during sex?” What was sort of awkward though, was when our teacher was telling us that “it’s normal to randomly get erections at our age, but the boys will eventually learn to control them like he can”.

21. Crying In Sex Ed Class

When I was in sex ed class, this one kid started crying and looked terrified. The teacher asked what was wrong and he asked “But what will happen to me when the cement dries?”

Where I live, a lot of people pronounce “cement” as “see-ment.” When the teacher was talking about semen, he thought she was saying we had cement in our scrotums.

22. Oops, Wrong Hole

When I was a sophomore in high school we had a week of sex ed. For the first two days they split the guys and girls into separate rooms. My teacher (a guy) goes through a process of explaining how this is a very serious subject and if anyone laughs or makes a joke they will be thrown out of class. He then starts by explaining how a woman gets pregnant. He pulls down a large diagram of the female anatomy, grabs a pointer, points at the diagram and says, “The penis travels through the vagina, up the birth canal and ejaculates. The sperm then begin its journey.” At this point he stops, stands silent for a minute then says, “Sorry about that guys. That’s actually the anus.” After about 10 seconds of everyone nearly passing out he says, “It’s okay to laugh at that one.” We exploded and for the rest of the school year if anyone made a mistake while were around someone that was in that class we would just apologize and says, “Sorry, that’s the anus!”

23. Probably Illegal Under The Geneva Convention

I was 11 years old and in the sixth grade. We didn’t just get a general talk with some videos, oh no, we got slides of graphic pictures of genitals affected by sexually transmitted diseases.

The worst was this slide of a diseased penis that had been so ravaged by multiple STDs that it was more pus and bloodied sores than skin. Being 11 years old, my friends and I almost immediately turn our heads away in an attempt to not gag and vomit in class.

Instead of just realizing that showing 11 year olds horribly graphic pictures of diseased genitalia is going to cause most of them to be squeamish, the bitch of a sex ed instructor walks back to us and causes a scene. She says, “Oh you don’t like the way that looks, do you? Well, this will probably be the only time you get to see something like this. If you look away one more time, I’m sending you to the principal.”

24. Sick Burn

When I was in sex ed myself many years ago all the guys got to write questions for the girls on paper notes and vice versa. One of the guys wrote: “What is the largest thing you could fit inside of you?” One of the girls answered: “an infant”.

I still find it hilarious….

25. Sassy Old Man

Omg my sex ed teacher was an 82 year old man and he was hilarious. We had the question box and he read one that said “I have a 12 inch penis,what do I do with it?”

I’ll never forget what he said. Without hesitation he said “Wrap it in a sock and strap it to your leg pause that’s what I do.” I honestly think I’m the only one who heard it because I was the only person to burst out laughing.

26. We’re Done For The Day

We had an anonymous question box too, and someone asked “If white people cum is white, is black people cum black?”

Still staring at the paper in front of the class, she simply let out a “Wat.” and then proceeded to answer “No… no, it’s all the same colour.” and then she sighed in a really depressed tone and ended the class a few minutes early, deciding to draw no more questions for the day.

27. Proof That Sex Ed Is Pretty Damn Important

I took my high school’s health requirement over the summer because one I wanted to take an Advanced Placement class which would last two periods. I opted for the four-week summer course, which had a few other kids such as myself but was about 70% cliche summer school crowd. We had all types of troublemakers; ones with no respect for authority, ones that refused to do assignments, and some that legitimately needed to retake the course to learn the material. Also, there was a pregnant girl. She was pretty far along, already showing in the belly department.

The teacher had just done the contraceptives lesson and was doing a little post-lecture review. She asked us, “What is the most effective form of contraception?” She expected us to say to use the pill specifically for contraception, but to wear a condom to protect against diseases. Totally legit, everyone was on board. But the pregnant girl raised her hand and said “Mrs Miller, I’m confused. I thought the safest thing would be to not let the boy finish inside of you, so shouldn’t the pull-out method be the safest?” Our teacher explained the error of her ways, to which the girl replied “Damn, I thought pull-out would be foolproof. That’s what I’ve been using.” There were no words.

28. Flying IUDs

We had to give presentations on different contraception methods during a sex ed unit of our health class. 5-6 member groups did presentations about condoms, female condoms, the pill, etc. One of the guys doing the presentation was flexing an IUD between his fingers. It shot out of his hand and hit a popular girl 20 feet away in the eye.

29. Maybe If You Drink A Whole Can Of It

Girl in my health class asked “since red bull is sugary and the prostate makes sugary stuff will cum give me an energy boost?”

30. A Real Expert

In grade six, my sex Ed teacher – who was a bald, fat, and just disgusting to look at – opened the class with “You girls might think I don’t know much about your bodies, but I just got my wife pregnant for the second time.” No one said anything.

31. Covered In Fake Sperm

When I was in Year 6 (age 11-12) we had our first proper sex education class and the school had drafted in this super-cool team of young people to tell us all about it.

One of the gimmicks they’d brought in (after we’d been divided into small groups) was a model of a penis. Now, you could insert a syringe into the bottom of the penis, filled with glycerin to simulate ejaculation. The key point being that this syringe had to be pushed gently.

So the guy after telling us the basics puts the syringe in and pushes it way too hard and it blasts off and covers me in glycerin that’s simulating semen.

My friends still sometimes often bring that up and I’m 21. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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