Does He Think You’re Just F*$king? 15 Guys On The Differences Between Hooking Up And Making Love

Credit Drew Wilson /
Credit Drew Wilson /

1. “I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this before but I have thought about it and there’s a huge difference. Making love is way more intentional and present in my opinion while fucking is more about getting them off and getting off yourself.”

—Richard, 28

2. “Never been in love or at least not like the movies say it is. I’ve definitely loved my partners and cared about them deeply and there’ve been times where sex has gone to a different level where I’ve really felt joined to them but it’s never been something I’ve planned, just something that’s happened.”

—Max, 25

3. “The girls I’ve been with seem to mostly just think romance=making love. I guess it can. I don’t know, but if romance is all it takes to make love then where does the love part come in? Making love isn’t about speed or candles or any of that stuff. It’s about two people who love each other being extra vulnerable during sex. If the love is missing then it’s just candles and sex.”

—Theon, 29

4. “Making love just means intimacy and intimacy can be hard for some people. Obviously, if you’re just hooking up then there’s not going to be any real intimacy since you don’t really know the other person or maybe even care about them.”

—Eric, 24

5. “Not into ‘making love’. Seems basically like a performance with soft music as the soundtrack and candles and low light being the stage setting. A particularly cruel bit of theater if you ask me, designed to make people feel that sex is something more than two people driven together by hormones and circumstances.”

—Frederick, 26

6. Only ever felt like I was making love with one girl I dated. The difference, to me, was that I didn’t want to finish. I wasn’t thinking about whether it was good for her or even for me. I just knew it was and she seemed to know it was as well. When I came, it wasn’t the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had or the longest lasting but still, all I could say afterward was wow. I was completely stunned by the experience. I was transformational for me and set a new standard on how two people could communicate their feelings for one another.”

—Aaron, 23

7. “I’ve yet to meet a girl interested in making love or intimacy in a hook up because that’s not what a hook up is about. I’ve also never gotten feelings from a hook up. Hook ups are for release and everyone knows it even if we pretend it’s more.”

—Jake, 25

8. “I married the first women I ever made love to as opposed to just fucking. It was different and special and it’s how I knew she was the one.”

—Marcelus, 25

9. “Making love is about physical coaxing and emotion. Fucking is about aggression. Any couple can do the latter but in my experience you can only coax someone or be coaxed if you care about them. There’s an intimacy and openness required that you just don’t get during a hook up.”

—David, 28

10. “I prefer fucking during my hook ups. I’ve had some girls really try to make a hook up intimate but it’s just pointless and creepy. If we don’t know each other then don’t try and pretend there’s some kind of emotional intimacy. There isn’t. I think mostly it’s girls who don’t want to be hooking up that act like this though and it makes you feel like you’re taking advantage of them no matter how many times they’ve told you they want you.”

—James, 27

11. “A proper fuck between two people who love each other is definitely making love.”

—Joshua, 29

12. “Eh, it’s different for everyone. I had an ex who didn’t feel we were making love unless my entire cock was in her ass. I’m not joking. She felt that was the most vulnerable she could be and really got off on it. She even cried a few times when she finally came. So, I guess what I’m saying is that ‘intimacy’ is different for everybody.”

—Sam, 30

13. “Well, I’ll tell you what it isn’t. It isn’t a catch all word that just translates to ‘hey dude, slow down.’ Making love isn’t about having a lot of foreplay. Foreplay is about foreplay. I hooked up with a girl about a year ago and since I engaged in foreplay and went down on her she said afterward that she felt like we were making love. Um, no? We’d just met two hours before…no, we weren’t making love.

But I guess it’s easy to get confused if you’ve most just had bad sex. I felt terrible for her.”

—Alex, 25

14. “The whole ‘making love’ thing makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what’s expected of me if a woman says ‘make love to me.’ I don’t know what that means. Just being honest. I’ve never told anyone this and I feel a little stupid not knowing but I don’t.”

—Chris, 23

15. “Making love is exactly what it says it is, an experience where two people have sex and it creates love for one another within each of them. It’s very simple and any way you can get there is absolutely fine.”

—Nathan, 26 Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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