26 Men Share The Secrets That Transform A Woman Into A Sex Goddess

via Twenty20/A_Nikon_Girl
via Twenty20/A_Nikon_Girl

1. Just Show You Want To Be There

The best thing a girl can be in bed is enthusiastic, like it’s turning her on to be with me, as much as it’s turning me on to be with her.

That’s really 90% of it right there.

2. She Should Want It, Even Need It

Communication. Tell me what you like. Again, if you are not having a good time I’m not having a good time.

Availability. Fuck me anywhere anytime. So hot.

Don’t treat sex as a reward. Sex isn’t a currency and you are not the federal reserve.

3. Sex Is No Time To Be Shy

Specific kink compatibility aside, enthusiasm tops the list. She’s good in bed if she knows what she enjoys, communicates it adequately, and is generally shameless.

I know it isn’t popular to say this but sex is no time to be shy or demure.

4. Enjoy Yourself

Just relax and enjoy yourselves, ladies… If you enjoy giving blowjobs then you’ll be good at it. If you enjoy the act of sex, you’ll be good at it. What gives you pleasure gives us pleasure so make yourself feel good and relax, there’s nothing sexier than a girl who’s genuinely enjoying herself.

5. Men Have Preferences Too

  • Enthusiasm

  • Dirty talk. Even if you’re just saying what I’m doing to you right now, it’s okay. “Fuck me hard!” or “Suck on my tits!” I’m happy

  • Moving. Some girls just lay there…why? I know this is probably absurd to think, but when I’m banging a girl and she just lays there, I’m thinking “if this works out, are you going to also expect me to do everything in our relationship?”

  • Blowjobs longer than a few seconds. Blowjobs aren’t just an appetizer, they can be one of the main courses. If you don’t want me to cum yet, fine, but a 10 second blowjob before “put it in me” doesn’t constitute a blowjob

  • Cleanliness, like you expected to get fucked tonight. If you think that either one of us is going to have an amazing time after we went hiking all day and you pissed behind a bush and we both were sweating our asses off, you’re gonna have a bad time

  • I really like being touched too. My back. My stomach. My legs. My cock. My butt. Why do the sheets and the mattress get all the fun?

  • Touch yourself, but not too much, and not 5 seconds into us fucking. If I’m not doing it for you, then let me know how I can fix it. I’m not offended by you touching yourself, or even if you use a massive dildo as a toy. Use them if you please. Just don’t rely on them while I sit here and wonder about my abilities.

  • Overstimulation. I know that jerking a guy off is kind of bland, and I know you know it, but doing the thumb thing over my head all the time while stroking me is just going to make everything numb.

I just don’t get why there exist people who like sex, but prefer to have this vanilla, plain, very specific version. What I listed isn’t hard and fast – they’re just things I like for girls to do that turn me on. If you lack the enthusiasm, are completely quiet, lay there still, half ass everything else, well…I can get a fleshlight for $99 and not have to take it out to dinner, you know?

6. Sincerity

A genuine desire for exploration, and GENUINE enthusiasm for both sex and intimacy (not in that order). Let’s get to know each other, which obviously also involves candid, mature communication. THAT’s fun and rewarding. Not far behind those, and somewhat related to exploration, is a lack of boundaries. Interested in everything and willing to try anything.

7. The Act Of Sex Should Never Be An ‘Act’

Sex is not an “act” it is sharing intimacy. So. Sex is good as both partners are “in sync” the sex is good. You can make or break sex if you are “out of sync”. Sometimes it takes an effort to synchronize. Loads of comments are about enthusiasm. Sure, but how about taking it slow? Being gentle is worth something also. So (try to) pick up on what the other needs and communicate what you (think) you need. If you just lay there, and that is your thing, communicate that the other has to do the work. Or where your “on” button is. Talking dirty? Sure, but maybe your partner does not like a foul mouth but DOES like to know if he is pushing the right buttons or needs clear directions to where those buttons are. “Oh Honey, this is soo good. Don’t stop” or “Lick there, no.. lower, use a finger. YES THERE!” It does not always have to be ” Oh yeah violate me hard in my most sensitive place with your giant sausage.”

8. Dead Simple


9. It Takes Two To Get It Right

A sense of her own body, knowledge of her own orgasm, and familiarity with her own clitoris and vulva from having done sufficient self-exploration don’t hurt, either.

Women who just lay there like cold fish or dead fish or starfish aren’t really getting into the spirit of things and are unsatisfying as far as sexual partners go, certainly, but it’s generally a fairly even division of labor in the bedroom if things are going right.

In most positions during even vanilla sex, both parties should be thrusting to some extent, for example.

10. Show Him What A Goddess You Are

Honestly, there is so much a women could do to be ‘good’ in bed. A lot of it has to do with her interaction with her lover. Here is a list of things that I find make a great lover:

Eye contact, moans or groans, movement! Be proactive! If something feels good push or move with it! Don’t be afraid to take charge!

Most of the time the guy has to have the courage to talk to you, don’t be afraid to award him.

Smell (yes the scent of a women can drive guys over the edge)

Enthusiasm!! Don’t be afraid to say when something feels great. It helps the guy understand what works for you.

Be sexy! The guy obviously likes you, show him what kind of goddess you are.

11. Embrace The Moment

To me, being enthusiastic means not just looking forward to the sex but actively embracing all the parts of it. The funny noises, the tastes, the mess we make.

Engaging sexual partners are communicative, know what they want and either communicate it during the act or (if shy) find ways to let you know beforehand. They listen to what you want too, and are prepared to engage in some dialogue about what works for both of you to make sure you both enjoy it.

12. A Great Point

69 while standing up while deepthroating…

Seriously, there is no linear scale to something so subjective. If you have a good time and so does your partner, then both of you will walk away thinking you’re good at sex. Some girls who initially just lie there silently are in fact awesome at sex – you just need to take control. You might be surprised how enthusiastically they follow orders.

13. The Intimacy Of Touching

I would definitely say touching. I love being touched on my body, and some girls that I’ve had sex with do not do this which is kind of stupid IMO. I touch a lot when I have sex, so I don’t see why they can’t do it too. good sex can be a few things honestly. It’s nice to have a lot of foreplay, to get into a good mood and to have very sensual sex. It can be very emotional, and it feels fantastic to go slow and then speed up like that. But I’ve also had amazing sex with absolutely no foreplay other than me just getting hard cause she brushed my dick with her hand in bed or something, and both of us just look at each other and just take off our clothes and start fucking right then and there.

I guess overall, the touching is great, her being super enthusiastic, loving what she’s doing, making noises, switches positions, me being in control, then flipping and her being in control. Pretty much the opposite of bad sex. Bad sex is someone who is quite, star fishes pretty hard and is just laying there. At the end of the day, good sex is with someone who is there not only to get off themselves but to help you get off.

14. Make Him Feel Like A King Afterward

Does Enthusiasm and confidence REALLY sound like the best a woman can do? I cannot speak for everyone, but I think there are better options than just her state of mind. We should be talking about skill here.

Most important thing of all is oral ability because it tells you immediately how much effort she puts into pleasing her partner. Can she only put the head in her mouth? Will she even suck your dick at all? A woman that engulfs the entire penis is SERIOUS about her ability. Even if it is only intermittent, that not only shows that she’s had practice, but that she is willing to put effort into pleasing her partner in areas other than oral. It’s like getting an amazing appetizer before the main course, you know damn well the chef can cook.

Participation & touching goes a long way. A lot of men do not fuck good sexual partners and they think porn = good. Moaning and talking like a slut does not make you sexually amazing in the same way that grunting and trash talk doesn’t make a man a wrestler. It is what you do, not what you say. The best women I’ve experienced are able to physically communicate what they are feeling (grabbing tightly when they feel a shudder, pulling against her man’s hips when she wants more, scratching when they’re close to orgasm, etc.) This is probably the enthusiasm others are trying to communicate, but it’s that active participation that lets the guy know he’s not just doing 100% of the work into a bored hole.

We all know that the man does the vast majority of the work during sex most (not always, but most) of the time. That is just how we are biologically different and it is true in almost all species. Most guys are a big puddle of aching sweat after sex and will often go beyond the comfortable limits of their body while they are riding on so many endorphins. The modern attitude is for the man to think that sex isn’t just over because he came but his body is screaming at him to rest. A woman that understands this is incredible and can do anything from give him a massage or simply stroke his chest afterwards, aiding in that relaxation goes a long way. A good policy is to spoil her before and spoil him after. A guy wants to feel like a king after he’s had sex, rewarding him for what he did (especially if he did well) will be a big deal to him mentally.

Or just lay there with a fake smile and pretend to be confident and enthusiastic I guess. One takes considerably more effort than the other.

15. Don’t Forget To Use Your Hips

I don’t require this of every lady I sleep with, it’s just a description of what’s made sex great for me. Don’t worry, I know men should be doing a lot too!

Moaning in bed is extremely important, while some moans are bad almost all are good, and a great indication of approval.

I love a girl who can ride well, but when I say ride I don’t mean to grind on top like a strange break dancer. I know that really helps a girl get off, but it doesn’t feel like a lot’s going on when a woman does that. A girl is best on top when she uses the full motion of her hips or ass up and down.

Enthusiasm is certainly key! I slept with a girl once who made no noise and provided nothing to our night. On the other hand Ive had a few girls who were just crazy and seemed almost overly excited that I was having sex with them.

I know it’s not sex but holy shit…getting a great blowjob is mind changing. If there can be a break between fucking for a pleasurable blowjob you know your man will be happy.

16. If She Teaches You Something

What she says, how she says it, if/how she takes control, how open-minded she is, how flexible she is, and if she teaches you something you’ve never considered or seen before she automatically goes to the top 3.

17. If She’s The One Changing Positions

If she’s just laying there, and expects me to do all the work, it’s not going to be fun for either of us. But if we’re rolling around, and she’s the one changing positions, I know it’ll be a good time.

18. Get What You Want, No Faking!

Fake enthusiasm might be slightly better than being a dead fish, but both are still awful.

19. Real Encouragement

Keep touching me, play with my hair, bite my neck, whisper dirty things in my ear, grab my ass, make me feel like you want me to fuck you.

20. Men Can Tell If You Aren’t Into It

There are general categories that I’d call good and bad.


  • Genuinely caring whether I have a good time
  • Feedback (this really varies, and I’m not saying it’s necessary, but it’s always appreciated)
  • Don’t be afraid to have a good time yourself. Yes, you can have boundaries, but if you are tense and closed off the whole time, I can’t enjoy myself either.


  • Doesn’t really participate
  • Wears the same expression the whole time (essentially not showing me at all whether she’s anywhere near having a good time)
  • Too serious or businesslike. It’s okay if neither of us get there in a timely fashion. If you don’t enjoy the journey, the destination’s gonna be pretty shit, too.

21. Ouch. Harsh Much?

I honestly think there are a lot of girls who think having a vagina and saying “yes” makes them good in bed.

22. Put Your Nails To Work

To elaborate on “not just laying there”: when a girl is on top I usually move my hips in relation to hers to make the movement a little better/faster. When a girl does the same thing when I’m on top it’s pretty amazing and sexy. Along with wrapping her legs around me or scratching me back. I love when they scratch my back. And then I pretend to want to hide the scratches.

23. Don’t Ignore Your Hangups, Address Them

The hottest girl I ever smushed refused to let me do anything to her. It was weird. She went down on me, climbed on me, bent me, and other crazy shit, and she was really into it. But she wouldn’t let me grope her or go down on her, and bizarrely that hindered the experience for me.

I was just trying to be generous. I’m great at being generous. Let me be generous. I have a big heart (my doctor says dangerously so).

24. Ignore Your Inner Hater

Confidence. Like….girls feel a lot of pressure and feel that they won’t satisfy in various regards. That makes them less deliberate, creative, and into the moment.

25. Poor Guy

A girl that can actually give a handjob. You DO NOT pull the foreskin all the way down to the base of the shaft. Had to get my frenulum reattached because of this. Holy shit that was scary.

26. One Basic Principle

I go by one basic principle:

Is she trying to get me off as much as I’m trying to get her off?

I have an ego, and like my junk, it doubles in size during sex. It’s not enough that I’ve convinced you to get naked, blow me a bit, and let me stick it in. I need you to want to prove your prowess to me.

I’m watching your facial expressions, body movements, breathing patterns, & making adjustments so you can cum like crazy.

If your putting in the same effort by grinding, moaning, grabbing, etc., everyone I know will know I got laid the next day without me even telling them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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