It seems easy. Easy to decide to not care about a situation that ended between you and someone else. You were just hooking up. Right? Maybe had a date or two.
Maybe he ghosted on you. Maybe you didn’t mix as well as you hoped. Maybe there was someone else.
But that’s ok. Doesn’t bother you more than finding out the cereals were finished this morning as you reached into the cabinet and realized you were only grabbing air. You made yourself a sandwich and moved on with your morning.
As you move through your day, however, there appears to be something off. You find yourself on his Instagram feed. Multiple times a day. Scrolling through his pictures, the comments, the likes. Checking out the Instagram pages of girls that liked his pictures. Thinking about what could happen or has happened between them. Comparing yourself, inevitably resulting in you feeling insecure.
Doesn’t really fit the story you’ve been telling yourself about how unbothered you are. But, it seems to be part of your story anyway. Quiet yet so present, playing the role of the elephant in the room. What are you going to do? Ignore it or face it?
1. Admit that it’s bothering you more than you thought it would.
You can be your own enemy and keep on ignoring this is happening. I’ve tried it like a 100 times and it always resulted in me feeling even worse about myself. You can also be your own best friend and say “Hey, I see it’s really bothering you”. Put an arm around yourself and sit with you. Sit with the feeling you’re actually experiencing. Might be heartbreak, disappointment, feeling of rejection. Shit, you don’t even need to talk about it. Look at it as a star in the sky. Is it blurry? Bright? Falling? Get yourself a telescope, zoom in and see what has actually entered your life.
2. Accept that it’s bothering you more than you thought it would.
Not only is the feeling there, it might stay for a while. Give it the space it asks for. Maybe this means that you talk about it with a friend. Maybe you want to shut yourself off from the world. Maybe you even keep on checking his Instagram for some time. Give you what you need. Again and again. Accept the feeling is there and that it requires some attention for the time being.
3. Decide that you’re gonna live your life and not someone else’s.
So, you got this star you’ve been focusing on. Giving attention. Maybe for a while already. Maybe just for a day. After some time, you realize you zoomed in all you could.
This might be the time to thank the stars for what it taught you, let it fade away and focus on this bigger universe that is your life. An infinite amount of other parts, patiently waiting for your attention. Why don’t you take yourself for a walk?