Why “Nice Guys” Are Not Actually Nice

(500) Days of Summer
(500) Days of Summer

So I have this friend. Well, he’s not so much a friend but he runs in the circle of friends that I often hang out with. Recently I have seen countless posts on his Facebook page all along the lines of “Nice guys always finish last” or “I’m tired of being a nice guy because it never works out”. What these posts really are is a frantic search for sympathy so that he can stroke his ego and make himself feel better for striking out with the girls he is constantly chasing. Now I will be honest – this particular friend is decent looking, generous, and can hold up pretty interesting conversation sometimes. So why not give him a chance? Because this particular friend, and many other guys who claim to be “nice guys”, have ulterior motives for being “nice”.

While attending parties and other social gatherings, which I am known to do frequently on weekends, I often run in to this friend and have witnessed, and even been personally subject to, weird and uncomfortable come-ons and sexual advances by him. As I mentioned before, this friend could be considered a catch, but generosity and good conversation does not a love-interest make. Especially when friendship is not all that he is chasing, if you know what I mean. When a guy is only nice to you in hopes that you will sleep with him, he is not, in fact, a “nice guy.”

To many of the guys who claim to be “nice guys” out there, I hate to break it to you (really, I don’t hate it at all) but you are not a nice guy if you:

1. Constantly drone on and on about how much of a “nice guy” you are. What doing this makes you is annoying. It also lets everybody else within earshot know that you want everyone to know you are a “nice guy”. Self-promotion is not an attractive quality.

2. Are nice to girls for the sole intention of bringing them home at the end of the night/dating them. Girls deserve respect, y’know? They just do. Everybody does. Because we are all human beings. So if you only care about being nice so that you can get laid or get a date, you are not, in fact, a nice guy. You are a pig. She is not obligated to sleep with you just because you offer to buy her a drink or compliment her on her looks. Also, girls accepting these drinks and compliments is not her giving permission or consent.

3. Blame others. If you are “nice” to a girl and she just doesn’t go for it (her prerogative, ya know?) it is absolutely not her fault for not being interested. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your fault either, but sometimes there’s just not that spark. It is also not the fault of the so called “bad boys” you constantly complain about either. They are not stealing women away from you, and contrary to what a lot of “nice guys” think, girls do not like being treated like dirt. I’m tired of being called a bitch or a prude because I won’t sleep with guys who claim that they are being nice to me.

4. Complain about being “friend-zoned”. I could talk about my views on the term “friend-zone” for hours – about how it reinforces ideas about masculinity and misogyny, among other things. But I won’t. Basically, this term implies that by being a good friend you deserve to be rewarded with dates and girls and sex. Why can’t you be a good friend for the sole purpose of, ya know, being a good friend?! If a guy is interested in one of his female friends, is it so hard to be honest and tell that friend? However, if the feelings don’t happen to be mutual, the blame is not to be placed on said female friend. It also does not mean that you are a bad person or an uninteresting guy. It just means she is not interested. You can’t force romantic feelings. End of story.

So there you have it – the Sparknotes version for why many of you “nice guys” out there are not actually nice. Being nice in hopes of a sexual conquest, and then turning around and blaming the girl you were chasing for your sexual frustration, is uncalled for, misogynistic, and quite frankly, it pisses me off. Next time, try not being selfish and be nice for the sake of others, not to serve your own interests. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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