Let Him Go And Love Yourself Instead

Young smiling hipster girl in baseball jacket in front of colorful graffiti mural
Allef Vinicius / Unsplash

He wants to be friends.

It makes no sense for people to be so close and then just be strangers, like it meant nothing. At least, that’s what he says.

You see where he’s coming from. You already miss him, and when you’ve been starved for his affection, you’ll take any scrap he throws your way.

You think you want to be his friend. Don’t.

He’s keeping you invested in him, even though he’s done nothing to earn your time.

You tell yourself that you’re being a good friend. In a way, you are. You’re more of a friend than he deserves because he’ll never come close to matching the effort you give.

You think that if you just support him and build him up, he’ll come around. He’ll learn to love himself, and then he’ll finally love you, the way you love him.

He won’t.

You’ll run around in circles with him, in a never-ending game of tag. You’ll date other guys; he’ll find a way to be mad about it even though he’s never claimed you. He doesn’t want you to make him look stupid by being the last to know what’s going on in your love life. If he really cared about your love life, he would be your love life.

You think you’re being a “down ass female”, a ride or die woman. You’re not. You’re enabling his bad behavior and rewarding it with your refusal to go anywhere. He doesn’t want a ride or die. He wants you to stay put while he fucks around. He wants you to suffer in silence waiting for him to grow up. That’s not your job.

He talks of unconditional love, but he doesn’t give it to you. Do you see how unfair it is? You cannot keep pouring energy into someone who drains your cup and leaves you empty. He is a taker. You can’t change him. The only person you need to love unconditionally is yourself.

I know it hurts, and I know you think he’s the one if he’d only just come to his senses and stop being immature. That’s a huge ask. And you don’t have time to waste on this. Your life and your journey are important too. You need to focus on number one.

Pour the love, enthusiasm, and happiness that you once gave to him so freely into yourself. Do all the things you wanted to do with him “someday” with other people. Be your own best friend and love of your life for a while. It’ll feel weird at first, but trust me. You’ll develop confidence and appreciation for life like you’ve never had before.

Sis, there’s so much love in the world – don’t be hung up on people who give it so sparsely. Just let him go and let yourself be happy again. There’s an entire universe waiting for you once you do. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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