This Is What I Want For You This Year And Every Year

laughing with a christmas tree
Jules Paull

I want you to make peace with yourself. I want you to forgive yourself for who you are and who you’ve been in the past. I want you to be gentle with yourself so you will be more kind in your words and actions towards yourself and others.

I want you to stop being so afraid to be you. When you let your guard down, your wit, kind heart, and goofy sense of humor bring so much joy to others. I want you to have the courage to be vulnerable. I want you to be surrounded by people who always make you feel like you can be.

I want you to quit that awful job where we met. I want you to realize that you’re not a drone that exists to pump out meaningless work. I want you to understand how smart and valuable you are, and to find a place where you can use your unique talents to bring about the changes you wish to see in the world. I want you to take control of your present and future and find activities, hobbies, and a career that fill you to the brim with excitement, curiosity, and satisfaction. I want your soul to be well fed and at peace.

I want you to get on planes, even if you’re nervous about flying and I’m not there to ease your fears. I want you to travel the world and see things you never thought you would. I want you to see Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset. I want you to run along the Great Wall. I want you to be a little bit closer to heaven as you hike in Yosemite. I want you to understand how similar and connected the human race is, despite all of our differences.

I want you to experience the joy of having a family. I want you to love your mom and your brother. I want you to be patient with them and not be so quick to anger at their flaws. I want you to keep making the effort to get breakfast with your mom every Saturday. I want you to understand that love is an action, not just a feeling. I want you to have a son with that kickass name you really liked. I want you to play catch with him and teach him that it’s okay to show his emotions. I want you to teach him how to be a man, even though your father was never there to teach you. I want you to provide the support and unconditional love that you missed out on as a boy.

I want you to know that it’s okay to love.

It’s okay to want affection and company. I want you to know that it’s okay to get comfortable with people, as long as you’re never complacent. I want you to understand that it’s not a weakness or character flaw to be in love and want to stay with that person. I want you to realize that you can make your dreams come true with someone beside you on the journey. It’s okay to be independent too, as long as that choice comes from a place of love, not fear.

I want all of your dreams to come true, even the ones you never told me about. I want you to have that house with the big yard and a door that’s always open for friends and family to come stay at any time, for as long as they want. I want you to surround yourself with people that make you better. I want you to treat them well and cherish every relationship you have. I want your heart to burst at the seams from all of the love and goodness you are creating. I want you to build a life so amazing that you can’t believe it’s not a dream.

I want you to finish reading War and Peace, even though we never got to finish it together. I want you to continue all of the good things that started as a result of our love and friendship.

I want you to keep making the world a brighter place with your beautiful smile, the one where your eyes get squinty and crinkly and you erupt in a huge belly laugh.

I want you to know that I forgive you for everything that has happened between us and that I think about you every day. I want you to know that I’m sorry for the things that I couldn’t understand. I want you to know that I still consider you my best friend even though we haven’t spoken in months. I want you to know that you’re my impartial spectator, even if I’m not yours. I want you to know that when I think about the things I want for myself, I pause to consider if you’d think it was good enough for me.

I want you be so happy on whatever paths you take in life. I hope they all lead to wonderful experiences.

I want your life to be perfectly complete, even if that means there’s no place for me in it.

I want you to live your fucking life already.

I want you to set yourself free. TC mark

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