Okay, so maybe ‘thrilled’ isn’t the word. But I can’t lie—for the past few weeks that I’ve been without my boyfriend, I’ve been experiencing an emotion one can only classify as ‘joy,’ or something like it. Now, I know that the more cynical readers probably think I’m just happy because I get to prey on all the FiNe PiEcEs Of aSS that I see on a daily basis, but I assure you, that’s not why. In fact, I don’t think I’ve even seen that many fine pieces since I’ve been home from school (attractive males were never a selling point for my hometown.) The real reason for my recent happiness is deeper than that, and I think a lot of girls may benefit from hearing it, because I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way or is capable of feeling this way. Check it.
My boyfriend is amazing. He’s funny, witty, silly, gorgeous, blah blah blah. He’s one of my best friends and we’re pretty much inseparable at school, so when I first learned that he would be staying an extra month or so to take summer classes, I was not excited. Yeah, I know, a month really ISN’T that long. But for someone who’d never gone more than a week without him, it seemed like an eternity. Immediately after hearing the news, the worst possible thoughts entered my head. What if he cheats? What if he loses interest? What if we realize we’re only compatible in person, on a physical level? What if he gets kidnapped by pirates? What if I get kidnapped by pirates, and he’s not here to save me!?!?
If you’re noticing a pattern here, you’re onto something. These fears were not only the result of intense over-analysis of the situation, but they were centered on HIM. And when I realized this little flaw, it got me seriously thinking. I used to be a girl who did what she wanted. I used to be totally content with lounging around on my ass by myself, enjoying the simple, slow moments in life. I took great pleasure in hanging out with my girlfriends, an activity that (I’m ashamed to say) falls a little by the wayside when he’s around. And it’s not his fault—he is the least clingy person I know; he encourages me to be independent and is always supportive when I need to do my own thing. It’s ME whose lost control a little bit. But why?
We as females are biologically inclined to attach to our men. It’s nature—they try to ‘spread their seed’ to ensure the passing on of their genes, and we try to lock ‘em down to ensure our own safety and the safety of our offspring. And while this bit of information may have some of you yawning, it’s real valuable information that explains why so many women seem to lose themselves in their relationships – and ultimately end up driving their men away. The key in relationships is to take and learn from the other person as much as you can without losing yourself completely. These past few weeks have been so joyous because I’ve managed to focus on myself again, and find out what makes me happy other than my boyfriend. Hobbies that I simply ‘didn’t have time for’ are suddenly becoming my favorite pastimes, and my friends and I have hung out more in the last month than we have on any other break so far.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I miss him. I still feel a little lonely when I watch romantic movies, and still wish I could ‘Blue Skadoo’* through the computer screen whenever we video chat just so I can lay with him again. But the bottom line is that I’m alright without him. Still living, breathing, and finding ways to entertain myself without my man around. So maybe on second thought, the feeling I’ve been experiencing isn’t necessarily ‘joy,’ it’s just ‘me.’ I’ve been feeling more like myself in recent weeks than I have in months, and I have a feeling that when he gets home, things will be better than ever. I’ll once again be the independent girl he was so attracted to when we first met, and he’ll once again be the boy I can’t wait to share myself with. Falling in love all over again… Now THAT is a thrilling idea.
*A reference to all the Blues Clues fans out there, past and present. Not in any way related to the Urbandictionary definition of the term. Ew.