The definition of ghosting according to Urban Dictionary is, “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.”
A better definition is you and I meet, we have amazing chemistry, we hang out, have awesome sex, I bond to you and you disappear, ultimately breaking my heart. You don’t answer my calls or texts and I am so confused and concerned. I wonder….Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong? We were making plans and now you’re gone.
Sadly, ghosting happens all the time.
Before the internet, when people were fixed up by friends, no one would have thought to disappear like they do in today’s dating world. After all, a man’s reputation was at stake so instead of disappearing, he would have done the proper thing and said, “I think we’re not a match” and the two of you would have moved on. You’d have had closure and maybe shed some tears. And you’d have known why the relationship ended.
In today’s online world, when no one is holding anyone accountable, it’s easy to just disappear.
He believes if he doesn’t answer your calls or your text messages, he’s not hurting your feelings. What he doesn’t realize is you hurt even more because you have no idea what caused the rift in the first place and you have no way to fix it.
You can’t totally prevent ghosting from happening to you. What you can do is watch for these 5 warning signs that can help you recognize you’re headed for trouble when they appear.
1. You have chemistry… And I mean hot, can’t take your hands off each other and the sex is so amazing type of chemistry.
When the chemistry is this hot, turn and run the other way.
Relationships are rarely based on chemistry alone and chemistry keeps friendship, a much needed connection, from happening.
You bond so fast from the intimacy that you don’t have a chance to really see who someone is until it’s too late.
2. He won’t commit to being exclusive.
Usually he’ll say something like, “we are having so much fun, let’s see where it goes.” You agree to it because the sexual intimacy is bonding you to him.
You think if you give him a little more time, he’ll change and want the same thing as you…an exclusive relationship.
If he tells you its about fun, he means it.
3. You find yourself feeling more clingy and needy because you don’t know how you fit into his life.
Instead of telling you that your clinginess is getting on his nerves, he disappears. Men will disappear, rather than get involved in some type of confrontation with you.
4. You start talking about the future and he is silent.
He knows there’s no future, so he stays silent when you future talk then disappears, versus “hurting your feelings,” by letting you know he’s not on the same relationship page as you are.
5. He tries to end it but you draw him back into the relationship because you’ve bonded and you miss him so much when you are apart.
At this point, he feels like you’re not hearing him so instead of going through the drama of breaking up again, he just disappears.
Really listen to what men are telling you because men mean what they say.
We as women don’t always mean what we say…mostly because we are people pleasers and we think things are changeable. The disconnect happens when you believe that men think this way too! They do not!
Always watch for these 5 warning signs when you’re getting involved in a relationship with a new man. They can save you a lot of heartbreak in the future.
Recently, I did an interview with my friend and colleague Ken Bechtel, host of the Speaking of Partnership podcast about this very subject.
I love how Ken explains the male perspective and I know you will too.