The affection from a new human bond that awakens your soul.
It tells you that you are anything but ordinary. It puts you so high on a pedestal and constantly reminds you that you can take the world on together. It builds you so high up that even your doubts about where it is coming from would be impossible to knock you down. It quickly demolishes any walls you had built up and held so strongly onto. It convinces you that you are the exception. Finally, you are the exception. The constant affection makes you crave it when it stops for a few moments. Every day you wake up wondering how someone just walked into your life and completely understood you and saw everything in you so quickly that you’ve always wanted someone to see.
Until it slows.
And you start to question what you did or said wrong. You wonder if something isn’t right. You look back and see all the red flags that you brushed off because you were literally being swooped away right over the top of them in affections arms. You start to realize actions haven’t matched words. And then it starts again. And you remind yourself you are the exception. You get tossed out just to get grabbed right back up. It is so heavy and consistent that you don’t dare tell yourself you are not the exception, because you know you are. Finally.
Until it disappears.
The affection from a new human bond that opens its eyes one day and ghosts you with no reason why. One day after spending the entire evening touching every inch of your skin; every inch of your heart. It wakes up and kisses your lips, grabs its sweater and heads out the door never to be felt again. It leaves you spinning, confused, disappointed and helpless. It leaves you replaying every conversation and not being able to figure out why. It convinces you that you are not good enough. Not skinny enough. Not perfect enough. It wakes you up from a dead sleep night after night at 2am because the absence of the warmth of its hands are gone. It tells you to shut off the world and hide until you are good enough, skinny enough and perfect enough.
Don’t stay gone for too long. Don’t feed into the lies that were dropped into your lap. The truth is the problem was never with you. Wounded hearts walk around wounding hearts, and that’s not a definition of who you are. You are alive, free spirited, and brilliant. You are beautiful and kind and loving. You are trusting, one of your best qualities, and you took a chance on someone who saw all of those things in you, and tried to rob you of them for themselves.
Their actions don’t define you. You define you.
When you are left in the dust and that dust finally clears, you will find yourself on the shores of a breathtaking place you didn’t even know existed. A beautiful place where a newly optimistic heart and positive mind will thrive. You may not understand at the moment why, but the woman you will become by empowering yourself will one day tell you. Sometimes you’ve absolutely just got to be your own hype man.
So be it.