The other night I struggled to fall asleep. Mindless complications in my personal life (boys, friends, work, writing, work opportunities, pet unicorns) left my brain buzzing and my eyes wide open.
None of it was necessarily bad, it just felt like I had my thoughts and emotions scattered down about 30 different paths. Different scenarios, different ideas, different thoughts, different feelings. Getting caught up in the dizzying, yet so addicting, habit of running “future scenarios” in my head. If I focused on this in my life…If I became closer to this person…If I pursued this interest and passion of mine…should I go to the gym tomorrow…why is Simon Baker married…this is what I’m going to say to this person if this happens…Lindsey. Yes? Shut up. Ok…. It. went. on. and. on.
Finally, I was beginning to drift off to sleep, managing to find comfort in the most awkward and ridiculous sleeping position ever (I mean, it was like I was doing a pirouette move in my sleep), but then…
My phone alerted me of a new text message. It was midnight and I had to get up early the next morning. Thank God I live alone because some version of this came out of my mouth:
“WHO THE FUCK JUST TEXTED ME.”
I looked at my phone and saw a short message from a person and situation that I assumed had already had a natural ending… It was sweet, but it began a whole new wave of thoughts, questions and “what ifs” in my mind. And now my thoughts were going in 50 directions instead.
Everything became a cluster monkey in my brain and I literally started laughing out loud (again, grateful I live alone) because of the drama that I felt was surrounding my existence at that moment. (A dramatic, ego-centric thought in itself, I’m sure, but still.)
Per usual, I emailed my mom for her advice. Updating her on the different situations, problems, etc. I was essentially asking her “WTF should I do about this situation, this person, that whole thing… Mom, all I really want right now is to be paid to write and do theatre and find a way to marry Simon Baker.” (<< actual quote from my email, I kid you not.)
I sent a text back. And once the email was sent to my mother as well, my mind still continued to run its course. But like my physical body, after about one mile of “running” it began to sputter, slow down, collapse, face plant and fall asleep.
I woke up the next morning, unsure of why I felt so groggy (and, let’s face it, unsure of why the hell my alarm was going off). Then I remembered my hamster in its wheel act from the night before and I became sort of bug-eyed remembering everything that happened.
I checked my email, hoping the iPhone screen would semi wake me up. I smiled at my “Note from the Universe” and then clicked on the email my mother had sent back (thank God) with what was sure to be solid advice in what path to take, what situation/person to release from my life, what to move forward with, etc…
But her email started like this:
She went on with a list of all that I should pursue…every situation, person, job idea, scenario and dream that I had asked her about the night before….I should pursue everything. Although thinking back, she never specifically said anything about the Simon Baker situation. Hmm.
Anyways, it hadn’t even occurred to me to simply “pursue everything.” I’m Lindsey and my life thrives on structure, routine and fairly solid understanding of which direction I am going.
I expected an answer that would help clarify what I should pursue, which path to take and what to release in my life. In other words, I was expecting advice that would ultimately lead to limitations, boundaries and closed opportunities.
But…why would I do that? I have no idea what will happen in the future and since none of these things on my mind were necessarily toxic to my daily and personal life, why shouldn’t I pursue each direction? Those that are meant to stay and/or teach a lesson will stick around and those that are not meant to be in my life will have a natural, organic ending.
What an awesome piece of effing advice.
So, I encourage you…rather than try to puzzle out your life, whether it’s with relationships, friendships, career opportunities, hobbies and passions, and restrict yourself to one path in particular, try it all. As long as something isn’t toxic, weighing heavy on your heart or bringing you or your dreams down, PURSUE IT. Putting your brain in over-drive imagining and thinking of future outcomes of different situations/people/opportunities in your life is exhausting and, in my case, causes sleep deprivation.
Release that notion that there is only one “right” answer or path to pursue. Try it all. Test all the waters. Give it all a shot. Why not? If someone or something is meant to be, the Universe will figure it out for you, not your logical brain (as lovely as its intentions are sometimes). Opening up to multiple opportunities, rather than limiting yourself to one or a few, will let so much more positive energy and opportunity flow into your life.