Loving Someone Who Was Never Meant To Stay

For years, we had a bad case of “right person, wrong time.” From awkward high school lovers who were too scared to have any sort of physical contact, to being completely entangled with each other every morning, you would think it would end up as some great love story. You always told me that we were not like those movies I like to watch. You never let me believe that Nicolas Sparks could write a novel on our love, not for a second.

When you came back to town, I believed it was for good. You made me believe that it was. Maybe you did, too, but you never really proved that. We started on the hill overlooking the city. A little over a year ago, we were here while you professed your love for me. And I was fighting not to feel the way I did, because you were leaving. But this time, you weren’t. Lights sparkling around us as you said you loved me, and I returned those words. I didn’t fight my feelings this time. We bought ring pops, promising one day you would give me something more than just candy.

Soon, you had your own place. It was all coming together, I couldn’t believe you were actually here to stay. Day after day, I would be in utter bliss, as if our honeymoon phase would never end. You worked hard to stay here, and I was so proud of you for doing so.

But that didn’t last. You quit one of your jobs. You were struggling with money. I was supportive as I could be, helping when you needed something. It wasn’t a two way street. At the time, I was more happy with the idea of you being here, rather than seeing what was right in front of me. I was giving my all, but I wasn’t always getting that in return.

Over time, little things proved you didn’t want to stay. I should have known, but I was hiding behind rose colored glasses. I always knew you couldn’t commit, we had gone through those issues many times before. Now, all of a sudden, it was like that had never happened. We would love each other, but as soon as it was over, it was time to get up, and we never laid close for an extended period of time after. I still felt the smile in your voice when you said you loved me, and I held onto that. I still do.

After some months passed, things suddenly seemed to go downhill. It was as if you never wanted me around, but made all sorts of excuses. And on a later thought, it all happened after you were upset, missing your family who was five hundred miles away. Trust me, I wanted to help. I made plans with you to go to see them, but you started shutting that idea out. I knew things were close to the end. I just didn’t want to believe that, and tried to keep that from happening. In trying to avoid it, I was just a catalyst to the inevitable breakup, because you never wanted to stay.

Isn’t it funny that you said we were not like a movie, yet when we ended, it was pouring rain outside? What a cliché. It was one of the most brutal breakups I have faced to date. Granted, you were the second to ever do it face to face. I stood my ground, voiced my opinions. I asked if you were moving back home. You said you didn’t know, but I felt the slightest smirk hit my face, because I knew that was exactly what it was. I said some hurtful things, you started yelling, you went inside and started screaming and hitting things. Maybe in the way where you know you made a wrong choice but you had to do it. Or maybe it was in the way where I was being too stubborn and was acting like a bitch for the first time in my life. I’ll never have an answer.

The thing is, that I learned in all of this, is that you can’t make someone want to stay. If they are set on leaving and not turning back, they will go, with or without you. We had promised we’d never let ourselves get stuck in a long distance relationship again, but he decided I was not worth coming with him, or going somewhere new. I should have known by the way he never took his clothes out of his suitcase, that he was never going to stay.