Dear Future Husband:
1. I know you exist.
Somewhere out in this mad city or this crazy country or this beautifully ridiculous world, I know you exist. You’ve been walking on this planet, doing things and making things and being things that mean something to you. I know you’re working that 9-5 (or 6 or 7) just like me, wondering when you’ll get where you’re going, even if you’re not sure where that is just yet exactly. I know you wake up every morning and go to sleep every night and in those hours, minutes, and seconds in between, you make hundreds of decisions that have yet to lead you to me.
2. I know you are loved.
Your family and friends have the privilege of talking to you daily. They’ve heard your laugh and felt your embrace. They know your voice when you speak and they have memories that date back to years I’ve never known you. There are people who think of you because you’ve actually spent time with them, there are women who have shared your heart, your hands, and your bed and been stuck in your head. There are people who know your favorite dish, how you take your whiskey and what team you cheer for on Sundays at the pub near your apartment on some street in some place in some city. There are people who love you because you are already so wonderful.
3. I know your heart is so good.
Call me crazy – which I know you will, in an endearing way, of course – but I already can feel your heart. I know it’s good. It must be to put up with an overly-romantic sap like me. I know it’s full of things that I need and full of things I don’t even know I need yet. Your heart has been through things you’ll one day tell me about when we’re lying hungover, tangled in white sheets, deciding what we’re going to order for takeout. Your heart is hesitant but it’s willing, just like mine. Your heart is open but it’s scared, just like how it feels to write this letter right now. Your heart is a masterpiece that was created to find it’s way to my tattered beating heart, that for reasons I can’t explain or prove, are already, somehow, connected together.
4. I know you’re thinking of me.
You may not realize it yet, but I know I must cross your mind. Maybe in random conversations with your friends or because a date went terribly and you wonder when it’ll get better and when the hell your life will start making sense. It might be when you think of the next ten years to come, when you imagine the life you’re working so hard to build or when you book your next trip, and you consider how magical it must be to experience new countries with someone who amazes you every single day. I know there will be a day when all those thoughts we’ve had will seem meaningless and obsolete, just visions of how we thought our lives would turn out, in comparison to how they actually turn out. There will be a day when we realize nothing we ever envisioned was quite as beautiful as that moment when we said yes, yes, yes to love.
5. I know you’re mine.
Though you might be someone else’s right now (and I may date a few more before I stumble across you) we’re already a pair. Quite the pair, as my friends will say. We’re already building the foundation of our relationship, our marriage, our lives. These things we’re doing, whether small or big, from traveling the world to choosing to go left instead of right on East 14th Street, they’ll lead us to one another. The path may be broken and scattered the directions unclear and unsettling, but the love, the fever, the fire – it’s just getting started.
I know we will meet.
Not today. Probably not tomorrow. Or next month. Maybe not even next year. But we will meet. And my darling, I can’t wait.