It seemed like I had been waiting forever. Four years of being single, and it felt like nothing good would ever come out of it. Except for maybe some shitty dating stories, and I guess some lessons learned (I’m being bitter, here).
What I wanted so badly felt so out of reach to me. That sounds corny, but it’s true.
A real, meaningful, deep connection with someone that is 100% in love with you as you are with them. Someone you can fight with but kiss and makeup five minutes later. Someone you can share every minute with and still not be sick of each other’s company.
Who doesn’t want that? Let’s be honest here. We, as humans, instinctively crave human connection and companionship.
And me, the hopeless romantic who is driven by romantic comedies, wanted that connection with someone special. But don’t get me wrong, I did not want to settle. That is something I am sure of.
It almost felt like something was wrong with me. Like maybe I wasn’t capable of actually loving another human being unconditionally.
It felt like every let down, and every date I went on was pushing me further and further away from finding what I wanted, and what I prayed so hard for. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
After what seemed like forever, I finally met someone that I can see real potential with. And no, not the kind where you’re just wishfully thinking “it’s meant to be” or “he’s your soulmate” kind of bullshit.
It feels realistic this time. I feel things that I haven’t felt for someone in a long, long time. It scares me to be completely honest. Now I’m not saying we’re getting married anytime soon, but it’s rare to find someone you feel such an effortless connection with.
I know a relationship isn’t a be all and end all type of thing. If you don’t want it, or it doesn’t work, leave it. Simple as that.
But what has happened to me has shocked me, and I don’t think I’ll be leaving this anytime soon. I guess you can’t plan for things like this to happen. That’s what we always hear about love, isn’t it? Now I know exactly what they meant.
It’s a gut feeling that I can’t explain. He makes me feel comfortable in my own skin, something not everyone in my life is able to do so easily.
It’s hard with me, I’m a difficult person. He probably doesn’t even realize this, and instead sees me as this wonderful person with no flaws. Which is not only flattering, but exceptionally sweet and captivating.
He’s honest with me about what he wants and what he doesn’t want. He tells me the truth, and isn’t afraid to say what’s on his mind. It’s comforting.
Things I used to be afraid of in past relationships, I can’t even see with him. I can say, and do, what I want without zero fear or reservation. With him, I laugh carelessly, and embrace naturally.
He doesn’t leave me wondering, guessing what’s going on, or waiting for the next text. I feel safe. Which by now, has been a foreign feeling to me.
I didn’t ask for love. I didn’t ask, nor expect, for someone to come out of the blue and literally walk into my life asking me to be a part of his.
I proceeded with caution. Maybe because I wasn’t ready. Or maybe because I’ve had my heart broken one too many times, sometimes by guys who were too ignorant to even know what they were doing to my heart.
Every last guy breaking me down, brick by brick, until all that was left was the foundation. So, of course, I was guarded, and a piece of me still is. I was cautious and moved slowly because I was just waiting for the ball to drop.
But it hasn’t — and that still shocks me. The truth is, I wasn’t ready for another guy to break me down yet again. Especially someone younger than me, which, of course, would probably scare some away.
The signs were all there from the get-go. I was just refusing to read them. He was nothing but honest and kind from the beginning. But my past bitter, little broken soul was used to being played and lied to. So I assumed it was all an act.
But I’m finding out that you really can’t judge a book by its cover. Or take everyone’s unsolicited advice on your love “situation,” which, yes, I am guilty of.
Nobody feels what you feel, nor can they see what your eyes see. If I would’ve stayed in my guarded little bubble and allowed this incredibly sweet soul to pass me by, I would have never known it could be this great.
And to think I almost passed on this guy saddens me. I judged too quickly. I let my past define my future.
This was the last thing I expected. But, life handed me lemons. So, I’m going to embrace it and make lemonade.
I’m not just going to give up this wonderful chance that has been presented to me. It’s worth it to me to feel it out, and see what happens. It can turn into something really great that I’d never know if I didn’t give it a chance.
My advice today? Say yes. Go for the guy you don’t expect. You truly never know what will come of it.
And if it doesn’t, you say thank you anyways and onto the next one. Haven’t you heard, Mark Twain said, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”