Love doesn’t exist like the movies. Love is about the good, the bad, and most importantly the ugly. In romantic films men write 365 letters, they carry boom boxes, they run through fields, they unashamedly express their feelings. They do it wide open, in front of many people, which frankly I find quite embarrassing. There is always that quirky ending where the man re-iterates just how perfect the other person is. He quotes some line from the beginning of the movie, they star into each other’s eyes and they kiss. In the end you somehow know that it will all work out. That these two people have found “it.” The love that is all or nothing, mind blowing, crazy, and romantic. To be frank, I don’t believe this love exists.
I want a love that is messy. I don’t want a Rom Com love.
1. I don’t want someone who sees me as a project. (Think of She’s All That)
This movie basically features a bad boy who thinks they can manipulate any girl to fall in love with him. So he picks the geeky girl and tries to change her into a woman he could love. Reality check, this isn’t how love should work. It should be built from a mutual respect for each other. These movies ultimately teach woman that we need to change for a man. Plus, anyone who thought that Rachael Leigh Cook could at any point be unattractive needs a serious life check.
2. I don’t want to be put on a pedestal. (Think of She’s Out of My League)
I’m not perfect. I’m incredibly far from it. I don’t want a relationship where they put me on a pedestal. I want a love where they accept that I make mistakes too. The key is to forgive and move on. We are all broken bits of a whole person.
3. I don’t want to be emotionally scarred for loving you. (Think of The Notebook)
Let’s get this straight. The relationship between Noah and Ali in the Notebook was not healthy. Noah was so broken, so incredibly lost without Ali that he couldn’t be happy! Who wants that? You shouldn’t be so in love, so enveloped in a relationship that you can’t find any happiness outside of them. Your happiness comes from one person, yourself.
4. I want compromise, not sacrifice. (Think of The Longest Ride)
I dislike this movie quite a bit. My problem with this film is that Sophia gives up her dreams for Luke. Some of you will argue me on this one. And that’s fine, but hear me out. Sophia wanted to work as an art curator in New York City. She wanted to be the person to discover the next Andy Warhol. So please, tell me how incredibly happy and satisfied she is working in an art museum in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t end up achieving what she truly wants. This is not the definition of a healthy love.
5. I don’t want cheesy, I just want honesty (Think of Some Kind of Wonderful)
Every Rom Com has the moment where the main guy redeems himself. But in this film Watt realizes her feelings and doesn’t do anything. She knows she’s in love with Keith and doesn’t tell him. She basically lies the entire movie. And yes in the end they get together, and it’s beautiful and cute. But personally I can’t get over the fact that she lies for 80% of the plotline. I don’t need the cheesy; I just need someone who will be honest with me, even when being honest is hard to do.
6. I want a partner, not a soul mate (Think of Serendipity)
This movie follows the plotline of soul mate. That if you are destined to be with someone you will find them. There will be signs and clues that guide you along the way. The movie follows characters who end up meeting suitable people but get cold feet because they are still obsessed with their “soul mate.” This movie is full of false hope and expectation. And honestly it’s all incredibly fake, because we all know that soul mates don’t exist. You aren’t destined to love someone; you choose to love him or her. Love is about hard work and commitment. If you can find someone who is willing to work hard, and you have some common interests, chances are you’ve found a good match.
So that’s why I don’t want a Rom Com kind of love. I’m not saying that I never sit down and cry whilst watching a Rom Com and eating chocolate with my friends. We are all guilty of romanticizing the idea of love. But I think the important thing to remember is that Rom Com love isn’t a reality. This love doesn’t really happen. Real love is a partner in life, someone who will support your endeavours and dreams. A person who makes up for the skills you lack. I want a relationship with someone who validates me and builds me up. I want a partner. A love that is strong and steadfast through the storms, a holey lifeboat floating through the sea we call life. A love that pulls you through the worst bits.