I, like many others, have trouble living in the world of now. I struggle to be complacent with where I am. I struggle to be happy in the moment of “now.” I am constantly looking to the future. And despite my best efforts I always see the grass as greener on the other side.
Being restless is hard. It means that you crave change, you live for spontaneity. You don’t agree with the 9-5 work life and you never will. And these are important traits. These traits make you different. They make you choose the alternative. The restless are dangerous because they challenge social norms.
We strive for more, and we are never willing to give up.
Those with restless hearts are the people who purchase plane tickets rather than mortgages. We live for the next thrill, the next moment of spontaneity. It is our drug, and it keeps us going.
Having this heart can be a challenge. I find that it leads to a lot of introspection, a lot of doubt and a lot of criticism. I find that one day I believe so strongly in one cause, and the next day I don’t. That one day I dare myself to quit my job, but the next I feel happy in my comfort, in my cocoon. I live in a world of opposites. Because you guessed it, my thoughts, my feelings, they are restless.
I don’t know how to properly define the thoughts I feel. The anger I have towards the life planned from a to z. Being restless means I don’t believe in the normal. I don’t desire social constraints, such as marriage, children, a mortgage, a sedimentary state. I don’t desire anything that makes me feel attached to a place, because I am always fighting the urge to leave. And honestly I think that these thoughts, these feelings, they are okay. I am allowed to feel this way. I just can’t let these feelings change every part of me. I can’t let them destroy friendships, relationships, family, while chasing my reckless wanderings. My restless heart needs a bit of a leash.
So what do I do to tame the untamed? I challenge myself to find happiness in the mundane. I’m working on changing this restless heart. Why? Because I don’t want my restless heart to define me. I don’t want to wake up in a different country, happy because I did something, but lost because I have nothing. I don’t want to hurt those around me. I am working on this because I’ve discovered something truly magical about life. It is those simple moments that make it so amazing. And it is those simple moments I remember the most. It is the ordinary that makes us human, and it is the effortless moments that make us happy. Like when you hug your best friend, or laugh with your husband, or fight with your sister. These moments are important because they are the everyday.
I’ve figured out how to live with restless abandon, and still love the simplicity. To find joy in a smile, a good cup of coffee, and a great book, despite how mundane that all seems.
I love my restless heart. It is because of this heart that I’ve lived in so many places, has so many adventures, and loved endlessly. My restless heart allows me to accept change, and see the positive in every day. My restless heart may never be tamed. But it sure as hell allows me to be free.