I loved you with every inch of my being. I constantly forgave you for your wrongdoings. I praised your accomplishments. I held your hand tightly during the rough. I loved you at your worst more than at your best. I was in it for the long run. My vows were forever, and although you left, I still mean every word.
Love is a funny thing. It means something different to everyone. The one thing that is consistent with love, though, is the heartbreak when they leave. The gut-wrenching, chest-collapsing heartbreak. You shattered every fiber of my being when you left. But that is okay.
In high school, you were the one that I would sneak out to see. You were the name I would sketch in my notebook. You were the reason behind my school girl giggles when my screen lit up. You were the butterflies in my stomach. All these years later, you remain the only person who ever gave me those butterflies. And that is okay.
Through the lies and deceit, I loved you. Through the late work nights and the 8 a.m. exams, I loved you. Through the laughter and the tears, I loved you. We grew stronger and more in love. We embraced the cliché of #relationshipgoals.
But, you never truly knew what you wanted. I always feared the inevitable. When you left, you broke me. Hearing the words “I don’t know if I love you” shattered my heart. But the funny thing about love is, although memories of us haunt me years later, it’s okay.
You left for a new life. You cut ties and started with someone new. You found your happiness. You found what you wanted.
I struggled to find myself without you. I moved and had to rebuild. I learned to love myself again.
We spent a decade building a once in a lifetime love. A love that was true to me; however, I will never know if it was to you. And that is okay. I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret the late nights of sharing secrets. I don’t regret forgiving you time and time again. I don’t regret the small acts of love – the notes you would leave on my windshield when I was stuck at work late, the constant cheer squad I counted on whether I reached a goal or not, the effort of constructing a Chinese lantern just because you knew I was obsessed with them, the look you gave me when we were in a crowd of people that made me feel like I was the only person in the room. I don’t regret loving you with my entire heart.
I don’t regret it because I learned how to love fully and unselfishly. I learned that when you make vows and truly mean them, you will always stay true to them. I will love you till the day I die, and that is okay. I fear that no one will come along and make me feel again, but that is okay.
I may feel an occasional sting when I smile through shared memories, but it’s okay. Although you didn’t love me how I loved you, I got to build an entire life around LOVE. I will never regret loving you, because I got to feel what many spend a lifetime searching for, even if it wasn’t forever.