Being a White, Heterosexual, Size 10 Woman in College

When you go out to the dining hall with your group of friends, which is all male and one tiny female, you repress the desire to eat pizza or cake or cheeseburgers and go the healthy way. A salad or sandwich should suffice. The whole time you wish you were eating alone so you wouldn’t have to feel self-conscious about eating a whole plate of fries or actually eating some cake (which you inevitably do after the healthy option because your group sits in the dining hall too long and you can’t resist the temptation).

Find yourself a group of girl friends who eat just as much as you and feel comfortable eating with them, only to realize that you actually gain weight because now you can eat as many French fries, cheeseburgers, and pieces of cake as you desire, instead of respecting a social norm in front of your guy friends.

When you get dressed in front of your roommate always hope she doesn’t accidentally turn around and see those love handles you try so hard to cover up with dresses and layers and big sweatshirts.

Find yourself judging other women (and hating it) on their size, weight and fashion choices. Feel yourself thinking “if I were her size I would be so much more fashionable” and then realizing if you were her size you might not feel such a need to be fashionable. Or seeing someone a few sizes bigger than you and thinking “shit she’s big” only to realize the girl next to you might be thinking the same thing about you.

Search for a guy who likes you despite the fact that you have a few curves. Look at parties, classes and clubs. Find a boy who likes you at a music frat party. Go home with him, become obsessed with him and never see him again.

Make numerous attempts to “get in shape.” Go to the gym, eat salad, and drink lots of water. All of these attempts last for around two weeks and end with a “you know what I don’t care in the fifties my size would have been considered beautiful.” Curse Twiggy for starting current fashion trends. Remember the day you first noticed your curves and wish you started “getting in shape” back then so today you could be as shapeless as the girls you see at parties every weekend.

Give up on dieting. Read lots of blogs that tell you to look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful. Try it. Laugh. Be happy with your friends and your life. Laugh some more.

Meet a drunk guy in your lounge. He recognizes you. He sits behind you in your psych lecture class. You don’t recognize him at all, but you talk to the guy he sits next to sometime. He talks about intrinsic and extrinsic beauty and you’re hooked against your own will. Think he’s into your tiny friend. He’s not. He asks you to go to the library with him and stays up all night talking to you. He finally kisses you while lying next to you in your bed. Stop Searching. TC mark

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  • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

    I suspect this was supposed to be a “feel good” post, but it had the opposite effect.

    • http://twitter.com/sarah_kay_gee Sarah Smile

      It started out that way, but then sort of veered into “find validation because some drunk guy deigns to touch you” territory. IDK

      • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

        Knowing a drunk guy could talk himself into touching you has never done wonders for any girl's self-esteem, regardless of pants size.

      • AaronWB

        Yeah, it's really lame to seek validation from a potential love interest. The only people who do that are everyone in the world.

      • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

        “Potential love interest” and “drunk dude” are not synonymous.

      • AaronWB

        Are you seriously suggesting that drunkeness is incompatible with falling in love? If so, you are canceling out roughly 80% of love affairs.

        Romeo was drinking at a party when he first met Juliet.

      • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

        I can't even believe I have to mention this but… Romeo and Juliet is fiction, about a pair of 14 year olds that fall in love in the late 1500's. Not the best choice for a supportive sub-point to bolster a percentage plucked, seemingly, from thin air. Love affairs and sex should not be confused–oh wait, you probably live in NYC. Nevermind.

        This post and my comment weren't about drunkenness and it's effect on your ability to find love. As I originally stated, the idea of a girl finding validation for being a size 10 (or 0, or any other size for that matter) through the attention of a drunk dude in college made me sad. The piece was great up until the ending. See Brenna's comment for further explanation, if necessary.

        With that I'm done replying to you, Aaron, as you're clearly looking to fight on the internet–and there's already a well-circulated meme for that.

      • Lily

        damnit I replied ab because I fail at internet, but Julene thank you and I also just wanted to let you know that I really hated that part about this too. As soon as I sent it in I immediately felt that it was just another “girl being saved by a guy” and now she feels better about herself story, but it was not meant that way. As I said above, if I had a chance to rewrite the ending I totally would.

      • http://tattoosnob.com Julene

        I think you did a great job with this–it felt very relatable until the last few sentences. A little fleshing out toward the end might be all it takes to really bring this bit “home”.

        If you ever re-write this somewhere down the road with the ending it deserves, I'd love to read it. (Regardless of it ending up on T.C. or elsewhere.)

  • Alie

    God I wish I was a size 10…

  • PERFECTCIRCLES

    I can get behind anything that curses Ziggy, that bald motherfucker.

  • http://twitter.com/lukebourassa lukebourassa

    I'd hit it.

  • hm

    I don't 'get' this piece, feels very 'zero calorie' and not very 'bleak.'

  • http://blog.heyimanna.com Anna

    Hits home. Really beautiful piece.

  • federico

    this is like sex and da city

  • brenna

    I think the main problem with this piece, and most (admittedly well-done) articles like it, is that it attempts to put a succinct, comfortable, pat little ending on a battle that, for the most part, really has no end. I (and most girls I know) have been a wide range of sizes in the their young lives, but the struggle to find peace with our bodies never ends with a number on a scale or a member of the opposite sex who finds it beautiful.

    Where does it end? Maybe with age, maturity, or a sort of quiet resignation that everything in life is a work in progress. But it's a long, looooong road, and I feel like this piece just sorta pitstops at the beginning of it.

    • enjoyingtheflowers

      I definitely agree! I think lots of woman struggle with the way they look, but I can guarantee you that no amount of outside validation (be it from the hot frat dude, a number on a scale, or a tiny bikini) will ever make you feel as good about yourself as your own self respect. Pair that with some self confidence and a smile and I don't know if their is anything more beautiful.

  • Bensybird

    wierd that a size 10 is made to feel so big here… im a size 8/10 and 5'9… and do swimsuit modelling! maybe this person is a very short stout size 10?

  • http://twitter.com/jessdutschmann Jess Dutschmann

    This kind of bummed me out. At least at my college most everybody was between about a 4 and a 14, but the spread was pretty good…I don't know…

  • Lily

    After I wrote and sent in this piece I was actually really depressed with myself about the ending to, so I completely agree with all your comments.
    I mostly just had to send it in before I lost the courage to, if I had a chance to rewrite the ending I completely and totally would.

    • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

      This was great! I really liked it. Dude's like girls with curves.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505759069 Julian Tully Alexander

    Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was a white woman.

  • Weirdal

    weight issues…

    life…

    college..

  • http://brianmcelmurry.blogspot.com/ Brian McElmurry

    I don't think women realize the power they have, even if they consider themselves big. Maybe college women feel weight issues more because the 17 year old models with no hips or booty that look kind of like boys, was how they looked as a teen. I've noticed that from 17 to 21 women become women beyond just having boobs. Younger men like the 17 year old look, but men like women with curves, booty and such. What is the average size of an american women? Like 12? Recognize your power ladies!

  • Hannah S.

    haha! I'm a size 10, white, heterosexual female college student! This article just about described, me, too… I guess I'm still in my latest “gym fitness” phase, but I've been cursing Twiggy and drinking water ever since the guys started to call me Hips Don't Lie in high school.

    Disagree about the searching for a guy part, though. That's probably just my general disinterest in the dating scene, but I'm pleased to be single and unattached. Woot!

  • Alex

    is lily weiner a pen name?

    • Alex

      also, from a critical perspective, the ending was too cute

      • darren

        i like how you used “critical perspective” and “too cute” in the same sentence.

  • bertha

    quit being a weiner, lily. at least you can get out of bed and live normally and shit. I'm a half-ton woman with a thyroid problem and I can't escape the confines of my bed, let alone fit out the door to feel the sunshine on my face as I 'walk around the quad, watching some righteous bros playing ultimate at my college'.

  • Hitter

    Lily Whiner

  • Paul

    Being a Size 10 shouldn't be THIS alienating.

  • rilez

    This is my life right now… except for the ending. Although I do attend a University with like… a 4:1 girl/boy ratio. Not that life should be about that, but I just figured college would throw me a bone.

  • RamonaCC

    The burger in the picture for this article reminds me of a shake shack burger.

  • GUEST

    I appreciated this as a size ten white, heterosexual female, just post college (we all like things we can relate to). There were a few insights that I've never heard anyone else voice about being a not-skinny/ not overtly large woman. In particular :”Find yourself judging other women (and hating it) on their size, weight and fashion choices. Feel yourself thinking “if I were her size I would be so much more fashionable” and then realizing if you were her size you might not feel such a need to be fashionable. Or seeing someone a few sizes bigger than you and thinking “shit she’s big” only to realize the girl next to you might be thinking the same thing about you.” I have felt that SO often, it's good to know I'm not the only one.
    But there are a few things you should know: 1. cause I get the sense you're younger then me- not being skinny makes boys ignore you in high school, not college and beyond. From here on out stop worrying about “looking for guys who like curves”, you're a normal size that tons of dudes will dig. I never got any play in high school, but have never had a problem in college and beyond. Second, when I was in college for a couple years I actually got down to a size 4/6. I never got over the feelings you have above, was still obsessed with size weight fashion and judging myself and others. I never felt thin enough to wear everything. So basically, don't worry bout it girl, you're doing just fine.

  • Anon

    i too am a size 10 heterosexual female. and relate. size ten isn't fat. it just isn't skinny.

  • guest

    this bothers me because a size 10 does NOT necessary coincide with weight issues or low self esteem!! There is a huge difference between being curvy and being “fat”. And then a boy comes along and everything is okay and wonderful??? lame.

  • http://nancysdays.wordpress.com/ Nancy

    I am a highschool senior nearing a size 10. Once in a while I feel a bit self conscience.
    And then I realize “Hey, at least I have curves.”
    Because no curves are no fun.

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