Some relationships are not meant to last forever and have an expiration date. Trying to make a relationship “work” despite all the red flags only prolongs the inevitable. Truth is most of the time deep, deep, down we know when something isn’t meant to be but we choose to be oblivious. We do this simply because ending a relationship is hard. It’s hard to walk away from something that once felt so right with the one person that made life make so much sense.
Ending a relationship can make you feel like you are giving up. I choose to see the end of a relationship not as giving up but more like knowing when to let go. Realizing enough is enough and that you deserve better can be difficult.
So, when do you know it is time to walk away? Everyone has their breaking point. It’s up to you to decide whether where you’re at is really where you want to be. Not everyone can come to this realization on their own and need one last little reaffirmation in order to walk away.
If you are in that place here are some things to consider.
Do you have blinders on?
It is so easy to have blinders on in a relationship when you’re sleeping with someone. These blinders can make it hard to see things for what they are and they can make you make excuses for things you wouldn’t normally settle for. Making up excuses takes your focus away from reflecting if in fact that relationship is really what you want.
How many excuses can you really make for that person before realizing that they are just a heartless asshole?
It can be so easy to get sucked into staying in a situation longer than you normally would because bottom line sex complicates things. Sex clouds your judgment and can mislead you into thinking that you have something worth holding on to.
How many times have you “ended the relationship” before winding up in the same situation?
Sex can become an ugly habit in an ongoing cycle of an “off” and “on” again relationship. Once you reach a sexual level of intimacy with a person you can easily fool yourself into thinking you have something special or worse that you can just snap yourself into being “just friends.” Exes are exes for a reason and truth be told once you’ve seen each other naked there really is no going back from that. Attachment is a real motherfucker and it can easily happen without you even realizing. Don’t let these blinders fool you into thinking you have something real. It’s easy to get lost in the possibility of what could be but ask yourself this, are you in love with this person or are you in love with the idea of them?
Remember that nothing good happens after 2 AM.
You deserve to be with a person who shows you the same interest in front and behind closed doors. Don’t settle for less or try to conform to the idea that you’re okay with what little you can get. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment by trying to make something more out of nothing. If you find yourself in a situation where the person you have feelings for only wants you under the cover of darkness chances are that will never change. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can screw things into getting better. That never works and you’ll only end up hurting yourself more. If the person you’re with makes you feel shitty about yourself and the decisions you’re making in order to make that relationship work then it’s not worth it. The person your with should lift you higher not make you feel like you are down in the gutter.
You can love with conditions
As corny as it may sound love should be unconditional and when the love you are receiving is with conditions that is an automatic red flag. Its true relationships are give and take but there are just some things that you should not have to take. If you’re in a relationship that is one sided or constantly have to compromise your morals or beliefs that relationship is not right for you.
If you are the one who is constantly having to give things up know that as much as you care and love this person the type of love they are giving you is not the right kind of love. Don’t allow yourself to give up who you are in order to be with someone. If you do, little by little you will end up losing yourself in that relationship. As much as you’d like to believe that you have enough love for the both of you know that sooner or later one person can’t carry a relationship through.
Relationships take two and you should be with someone who actually gives a damn. Don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t as invested as you are because they are simply showing you that they are not interested. There are only so many “but I really care about you” that you can receive from that person before realizing it’s just another way of them saying “I don’t love you.”
You have to know your value.
Arguments happen in relationships but they shouldn’t turn ugly or into a common occurrence. Fights can be exhausting especially when you’re wrapped up in an argument that somehow got turned around into being “your fault.” It’s easy to give in and be the one to wave the white flag but with every “I’m sorry” you can lose a piece of yourself. Be strong enough to realize the person you’re with shouldn’t have the power to pick you apart. In the end they only have as much power as you give them.
The person you’re with shouldn’t make you feel crazy or doubt yourself. If something is telling you that something is off trust that instinct. Trust is crucial in a relationship and maybe that person is not worthy of your trust. Don’t forget that you are awesome and that somewhere out there exists a person who will see the value in you but most importantly see the value in yourself. Respect and love yourself enough to know you are worthy of much more than the “love” you are being given.