“This is the toughest season of life that I have ever been through.”
If this is you, I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. It hurts. It sucks that you’re going through this, and I know that it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
I’m not going to say that it will all be okay. I’m not going to say that things will get better. Rather, I want to say that I acknowledge the hurt that you are feeling. You might be thinking that you don’t deserve to speak of it when there are others out there going through situations worse than yours. But just because there are people out there who are going through worse, it does not make the pain you feel any less real. I hope you are reminded that what you feel is real and valid. I hope you know that you are heard and you are seen.
Sometimes the darkness can feel endless. The darkness takes away parts of you that made you who you are. You may feel more disconnected than ever. You may have perfected the mask you’ve put on for the public to the point that you see two distinct versions of yourself. You may feel that you won’t ever be able to get out of this mess of your mind. You may hate yourself when things don’t go according to your plans. You may be feeling exhausted. You may be questioning your purpose. You may be questioning why. You may be feeling lost.
When we lose sight of our purpose, it becomes easier to hate on ourselves for every little thing we do. But I want to remind you of a song lyric from “Spring Day” by BTS that brought me comfort: “Even if it breaks down, don’t ever back down. Because the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest.” Nights morph into one of our scariest enemies when our thoughts are overwhelming. You either have trouble trying to sleep or you wish sleep allowed you to escape from your life — even just for a little while. At these times, our demons may seem the strongest. Sometimes we are able to put up a fight, but sometimes we will fall.
I hope you remind yourself of the amazing hope that lies on the other side of your battle. I hope you know that God only gives us battles we can handle — and He will equip us when the time comes. I hope you know that there are still many reasons to get up in the morning: from the people who love you to the cause you are passionate about.
I hope you remind yourself that the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest. As heavy as everything may feel, we will be able to face a new day. I hope you know that seasons will not last forever — this toughest season of your life will end. One day, you will be able to look back on this and be thankful that you made it through. It may not be the prettiest of processes, but you will be able to meet that dawn one day.
One day, I promise.