1. When I told my brother I started drinking (underage) and he then told me he was gay. That was a lovely dinner.
2. Got a frantic call from my older brother one time at midnight on a Friday night when he was out. He was about 17 I was 15. “Okay don’t ask questions. Go into my room and flip over the big white armchair. There’s a hole cut into the lining. Take everything you find in there and put it out in the mailbox.”
I did as I was told and deposited a bunch of small fireworks and one glow in the dark condom into our mailbox. Still not sure which of those he needed so urgently but, as his little sister, I chose not to ask.
Sidenote: 7 years later the chair is now in my apartment and when I was moving in my mom mentioned to me that she knew about his hiding place the whole time.
3. Me and my sister caught each other smoking at the same time when we were 16. There wasn’t even a discussion, we knew that we had to keep each others’ secrets.
4. When I told her I stole a tooth from a skull at a museum, because I wanted to trick the tooth fairy.
5. When I was in college, my older brother texted me completely out of the blue after weeks of pretty minimal communication and said “hey, if you ever hear of me getting in trouble for anything, Don’t tell mom”. So of course I immediately responded with “What did you do”. To which he replied “Nothing. Just. You know, in case, for future reference.”
Turns out he was arrested for throwing a cup of his own urine on a rival fan at a football game. My mom found out because her coworker, as an alumni of the college my brother attended, got the schools paper mailed to her house every month, and the story was printed in there. I have never seen my mom facepalm so hard over one of her children’s wrongdoings.
6. I was around 7 or 8 years old, and my youngest brother was about 3. My mom and grandmother were inside visiting, and we were sent to play outside, unsupervised. Wondering how exactly our dog’s electric fence worked, I decided to put the shock collar on my little brother’s neck and had him walk around the yard until he crossed the fence line… The whole “don’t tell mom” idea would’ve worked if she hadn’t noticed the dog wandering in the front yard, or the two huge white marks on my brother’s neck where he was shocked…
7. Our farm had several buildings, but one in particular was an old log cabin. We were in there playing and my sister (12ish, me 10ish) pulled a drawer open and it was chuck full of porn, lots of it. My sister, other sister, female cousin and I thumbed through a whole magazine. Since there were several people working for us we didn’t know who it belonged to.
We never went back (well not as a group but me…take a guess). We never spoke of that awkward moment when we looked at porn together. 20 years later we told our parents. Oddly enough I remembered that day like it was yesterday. My sisters couldn’t remember it that much. My mom could have died that day knowing her 12, 10 and 8 year old kids looked at porn together.
8. I was 15, almost 16. I had driven a friends car a couple times and thought i was a pretty good driver. anyway, I took out my moms Corrolla one day when no one was home, took it for a 5 second ride around the corner, tried to park it back in the garage, left mirror popped off flying 20 ft in the air when entering my garage. asked my older brother not to say anything, he asked me what happened. i told him the story and he laughed and said i was retarded. he didn’t say anything to my mom but when she saw the scene she asked me what happened too and i said “I don’t know, i came home from school and it looked like someone tried to jack the car but wasn’t successful.” she didn’t buy that shitty story one bit and said “ok, well, I’m going to call the cops and they’ll figure out what the fuck happened.” …… I told her the truth
9. When I was like 7 or 8 (now 26 as of yesterday) and my brother (two years younger) were playing miniature golf I accidentally smacked him in the face with the golf club as he was getting the ball out of the hole…. aaaaaand he started bleeding profusely from his eye brow. I freaked and knew I had to stop the bleeding before I got in trouble, so my smart fucking brain decides the best thing to use are the rain soaked, muddy leaves on the ground! HAD to tell my dad because the bleeding would not stop and realistically he needed stitches. Parents were pissed and my brother walks around with a nice reminder of what an amazing sister I am on his face.
Tldr: hit my brother with a golf club and rubbed some dirt in it.
10. My mom made terrible ravioli. It was like eating soggy cardboard. After yelling at me because I didn’t want to eat it, my mom stormed outside. A moment later, my little brother looks up from his bowl at the kitchen table and says, “I don’t want to eat it either.”
the next two and a half minutes are spent in a mad scramble. we knew we couldn’t just throw it out because that would only piss her off more, so we elected to dump the food into a ziploc® brand freezer bag, seal it, at which point I make a mad dash to my room to hide the culinary abortion while my brother stashes the dishes in the sink and goes to watch cartoons.
We forgot about the bag for over a year. it was full of black ravioli when we finally found it again. Mom still doesn’t know. It’s been about 7 years.