I Love Him, He Loves Her

Why are you with her? When did you guys become a thing? Did it start whilst we were together? Endless questions I could ask. Things that haunt my thoughts, but find no answer. I could never let myself believe that you could let go of us so easily. I clung onto what I thought you held onto so tightly too.

But as I held on, you had let go of it long ago and went to the next in line. Trust me, I tried to jump the queue too but sometimes, you just belong at the back of the line.

I hope she treats you with all the passion and love that you deserve, as you should have the fucking universe and beyond. Something tender, something wild, something that I hope you tell your mum about.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t be that person, be your person. I sincerely hope that she is.

I want to ask if she makes you happy, if she makes you giggle like a child at Christmas, but alas I cannot. It would be weird if I asked, wouldn’t it?

You said you wanted to be friends as we sat on the sofa that one night. Much to the dismay of my heart, I happily agreed that we should. As we chatted and caught each other up on the whirlwind that are our lives, I started to wonder if a friendship is sufficient for my heart. I could not bear your name popping up, the same nickname I gave you during our time. What names does she call you by? Does she call at 3 a.m. when you’re fucking alone in Kings Cross St Pancras?

You said I was your first love. But you had met her way before you realized you loved me.

Was it love on the muddy field at the festival you guys went to together? The very same festival where you ignored my worried messages as you threw yourself into the music with her by your side, only for your best friend to tell me that you were home safe? I hope it was love then.

I hope it was love when you supposedly cried over how much you missed me. I hope it was fucking love.

I want to say that she is a rebound and that rebound relationships are doomed for failure because that’s just what Cosmopolitan told me. But in the case that she is not a rebound, I hope she has something fucking above me. All those words that you said, all the tears you supposedly shed, do they just add to the lines of bullshit that apparently left your mouth?

I truly believed that you loved me but as the saying goes, “White lies never hurt anyone.”