There’s obviously some context missing here than just the few things listed below that just won’t apply to every situation, and of course interests, disinterests, and character qualities that differentiate my current relationship from others, but it worked for me and could hopefully work for others. I also can’t necessarily say it was only these steps that I took to win him over, because it was our matching personalities and sexual attraction that played the biggest role, but I do believe they helped.
1. I made him chase me.
As much we hate the game and believe we should be able to find a guy without having to play this silly game, it exists and it does work. There were nights when he’d suggest we hang out, and I responded with “I’m on the West Side, I think I’ll stay around this area instead of heading East tonight” or “I’m sorry, that sounds like a blast but I’m hanging out with the girls tonight”. My rejection was always pleasant though and it showed that I was independent which goes a long way for men who assume all girls are clingy, needy or worse; only looking for “the one”.
2. I waited hours to text him back in the beginning and never texted him first.
It’s unfortunate that our texting habits can influence a guy’s interest in us but it does, so we work around it. This was actually harder than I thought it would be. My boyfriend recently told me that making him wait for my response worked well because it reinforced that independence stated above, and added an element of mystery to my schedule and life which he liked and kept him wondering about what I was doing, which ultimately led him to thinking about me more.
3. I made his bed when I slept over.
For some reason this simple gesture went a long way. It’s a sweet surprise that worked not only on the 2 guys I slept with in-between relationships but especially worked on my current guy. It’s really just a polite gesture if you’re sleeping in anyone else’s bed. I think it also taps into the weird “motherly, getting taken care of” complex that many men have.
4. I smiled a lot, rarely complained, and had an overall positive energy.
Guys can’t handle negativity, they don’t vent or bitch things out like girls do. We’re all exponentially much more attractive when we’re happy, smiling and nice.
5. I slowly let my guard down.
Very slowly. Keeping my guard up in the beginning helped me maintain that calm, cool, “pretending like I don’t give a fuck where this goes when in reality I really do” attitude. But as he kept texting me every day and wanting to hang out, I could read that he clearly enjoyed my company and I showed him a more vulnerable side, and expressed how I was beginning to feel for him. It turns out guys need that reassurance just as much as girls do.
6. I was completely honest at all times, to myself and to him.
I was honest with him when my ex suddenly re-appeared into my life, begging for me back, and reassured him it was over. He told me later that he appreciated it because he was told by the mutual friend that introduced us that I would probably end up getting back together with him. And I was also honest with myself. The night after I met him, he asked to hang out and I used one of my above mentioned rejections. Later that night he drunkenly texted me to come over “for a late night drink at his place.” I know a booty call when I see one but I wasn’t mad because I’m sure that has worked on other girls. So I laughed and responded saying “Haha! Very tempting, but maybe I’ll take a raincheck?” He was mortified the next morning and I woke up to an apology text and an invitation to take me out to dinner that night. I was honest with myself in not wanting to be a booty call and also in not punishing him for trying it. Again, I was also honest in how I felt about him later on. If I didn’t get the same reaction back, things would have ended. If they don’t reciprocate, save your breath and energy and walk away.
7. I didn’t force the relationship and took it one day at a time.
This was the biggest thing I think. I actually didn’t want a relationship so I was inevitably taking it one day at a time and just “seeing where it goes”. Of course I would have been upset if we stopped hooking up because I was having a blast with him and was really starting to like him (hence, slowly bringing my guard down), but I took it one day at a time and considered every text from him and every date night invite, just a bonus. Hooking up should be fun, even with the complexity and uncertainty of it all, it’s still fun if you take it date by date.
What I thought was just going to be a sex filled one night stand with by far the hottest guy I’ve hooked up with has turned into a healthy and fun relationship. We’ve been together for a year now and although I have no idea what could happen tomorrow, in a month or in another year from now, I’m still taking it one day at a time.