Hard Truths I Learned About Relationships After My Hardest Breakup

Never beg.

It’s so easy to get into something and become accustomed to being treated like we aren’t special. It’s easy to become used to the mundane and simple actions of another person. But this becomes a problem when we are receiving the bare minimum from someone. When we start asking for someone to want us, to spend time with us, to treat us like we mean something to them… sadly, it may be time to go. You need to hold your self-worth higher than your love for someone else. You deserve someone who you never have to beg from and someone who gives their love out freely without being asked.

When it’s time to go, go.

It’s easy to give chance after chance when you love someone. You want to believe that it will work, even when your mind and heart are sure that you aren’t getting what you need. You want to give every last ounce of hope you have into this relationship. But there’s power in knowing when it’s time to leave. You have to have enough strength to know that it’s just not working. This doesn’t make you weak. It actually makes you really, really strong to be able to say that something just isn’t working anymore. It’s okay.

Don’t ignore the signs in the beginning.

Usually the things we notice in the beginning, like someone’s lack of motivation, or their unwillingness to talk about the future, or whatever it may be, end up being the reasons the relationship doesn’t work out. I’ve noticed this trend where I ignore the things that matter to me in the beginning because I want that relationship too badly to stop it before it goes badly. It’s something I’m still training myself to do. When something feels off or extremely incompatible, it’s hard to not let the lust we feel for someone take us over.

You deserve someone who listens.

When you bring a problem to the table in a relationship, it’s not too much to ask your partner to listen. The goal should be to fix the problem, not get mad or throw it under the table and forget about it. You deserve to have someone who hears your concerns and wants to strive to be better for you. You don’t deserve to feel isolated and like you are the only one trying. Love works when people want to make it work together. They don’t brush over anything, they work on it. Communication should be open. You shouldn’t be scared or feel like there is no point in bringing up something.

Stop expecting change.

What you see is what you get. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time with someone and you’re expecting something to magically get better, you have to look at the facts. The history of this person may show no sign of change—who they are is who they are. There isn’t going to be a whimsical moment where they suddenly realize how they are making you feel. You either have to accept them as they are now or understand that you need more than they are willing to give. And that’s okay. You are free to do what you need to do to feel fulfilled.

Love is never a mistake.

Even when it doesn’t work out, you can look back fondly on what you had with someone. Even when it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth at first, that’s still a person you spent a period of time in your life with. The memories don’t have to be all bad. It’s okay to feel good about them and want to remember them as more than the heartbreak they caused.