I have learned the hard way that you can’t convince someone to love you. When I was younger, I thought it was romantic to fight for someone’s affection. I was confident that the harder I try, the closer I was to moving an unemotional heart. All I wanted was to be with them and I thought they would eventually feel the same way.
That couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact is that love isn’t supposed to be this difficult. If you find yourself having to accommodate and compromise all the time, the chances are that they do not value you. If you feel that you’re always the one initiating to make plans, they probably do not miss you as much. If there is a nagging doubt in your mind about your relationship, you’re not overthinking and you should reevaluate your relationship.
The reality was that I didn’t believe I deserved love. I didn’t believe that I was good enough for someone to choose me. I didn’t believe I deserved to be someone’s priority, their first and only choice. I didn’t stand up for myself for how I was treated. I didn’t love myself more to walk away the moment the relationship turned toxic.
What I learned is that while I cannot change them but I can control my actions. I cannot make them fall in love with me but I can love myself to the fullest and put myself first in all that I do. I cannot change their mind about me but I can choose a wholehearted love. I cannot guarantee they will love me forever but I can cultivate a lifelong relationship of self-love with myself.
A relationship requires mutual effort. The right person will love you the way you deserve to. They’re flawed and imperfect but they will always strive to give you the best they have. Love with them is not perfect yet it will feel so right. There is comfortable silence when both of you are together. You find yourself able to open up to them from your most painful memories to things you have never told anyone.
With the right person, love is effortless and you don’t have to try too hard. You can tell them anything under the sun and the conversation flows naturally. There is open communication instead of game and deceit. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you go because being with them is an adventure. You’re keen to do life with them.
Love allows you to embrace yourself. It inspires you to grow to a better version of yourself. With the right person, you’re comfortable being yourself. You don’t feel like you’re competing for their time or their affection. With them, love is mutual and both of you always choose each other. No matter the obstacles that loom ahead or the uncertainties that lurk in the dark, both of you remain committed and faithful to each other.
I want to tell you that it doesn’t matter how badly hurt you were in the past, you will find love again. The best part is that you will find the one you deserve without having to chase for it.