This is me coming to terms that the person I loved no longer exists.
For if he is still around, he wouldn’t have turned his back on me so heartlessly when I needed him the most. I wouldn’t have to cry myself to sleep every night over him. I wouldn’t have been left with so many unanswered questions and wondered what I did to warrant such callous actions from him. I wouldn’t have hated him so much for breaking my heart unremorsefully.
I’m accepting that sometimes people change and I could not stop them from having a change of heart. I’m accepting that as unfair as everything is, I have to take responsibility for my life and take care of myself. I’m accepting that my well-being is the priority and if I stop caring about what happened to me, nobody can help me.
This is me realizing that I can build my own closure and while I couldn’t change what happened, I can write my next chapter from now onward.
I refused to be a victim of circumstances and I control how my story unfolds. Unfortunately, we have to end the way we did but I count on my blessings that I manage to see his true colors now rather than years down the road. For all the grand promises and romantic gestures, he couldn’t be there for me when I wanted him the most. For all the times he swore he loved me, he ran the minute our relationship hit a rocky path. For all that we went through, he gave us up so easily as if it meant nothing to him. In the end, he broke all his promises and shattered our dreams together. He ended up being the person he said he wasn’t and hurt me the most.
This wasn’t just a normal breakup. There was a period when I felt genuinely happy. When I truly thought we could conquer all the odds against us. When I believed in us and how we could have made it and attained the happy ending that I could only wish for.
But deep within me, I know that I will be okay. It will take a long time but slowly, I will find reasons to smile again. I will remember this hard lesson that I learned and wait for the right person who will treat me the way I deserve. I will nourish my soul with kind compassion, patience, and time. I will cleanse my mind with meditation, positivity, and mindfulness. I will mend my aching heart with gratitude, forgiveness, and self-love.
This is me trying to pick myself up and understanding that the path towards healing and normalcy is a long and arduous one.
Sometimes, closure doesn’t come in the form of an apology from the one who put you in your current situation. It isn’t an explanation that can soothe your aching heart and answer all the unresolved questions that are haunting you. It isn’t an immediate fix where the person who hurt you come back and snitch your broken pieces so precisely as through everything can go back to the way it was before.
Sometimes, closure comes in the form of understanding how much you are hurting and acknowledging that it is perfectly normal while doing your best to cope. It means you have to stop trying to look for answers because your mental health is a priority. It means accepting that at this point, you have to choose yourself and do what is best for you.
Writing my own closure gives me the strength I need to close the past chapter behind me and step towards a new beginning of hope and faith. It pushes me towards my healing. It allows me to believe that I will be able to move on and find the love that I deserve.