I am slowly learning that I need time to heal my broken heart. As much as I want to start dating and find love again, I know that I’m absolutely not ready. The past relationship had left me disillusioned and I almost wanted to give up on love.
It heightened my insecurities and made me feel undeserving of love. It made me question my worth and if I can find someone who loves me for the person I am. It changed me as I have become more guarded and cautious, no longer as carefree and open-hearted as before.
It has been months since that fateful day when he tore through my life like a tornado, leaving me never the same. I am still rebuilding my life from the ashes. Each time I think I’m getting closer to normalcy, something happens and I fall back to square one. The truth about healing is that it is messy, complicated, and confusing. One moment I think I’m okay and rocking my single life, the next instance I’m in tears for reasons unknown to me. Every small minor thing triggers me and threatens to push me to the breaking point.
I am slowly learning that love by itself is not enough and the strongest relationship needs a mutual commitment from both sides to make it work. I realized that I have to date wisely and choose my next partner carefully. Getting into a relationship isn’t going to let me know him immediately or bridge our fundamental differences. It won’t be able to iron out the outstanding issues standing between us and make the relationship smooth sailing. The last thing I should do is to expect a relationship to be the solution to all my problems.
I should never be pressured to get into a relationship if my heart is not fully in it. The only time I should get together with someone is when they’re someone I love and trust. We must have a strong foundation of friendship, a shared vision of our future, and an unshakable devotion to each other.
I am slowly learning that I don’t need a relationship to complete me and I am enough the way I am.
Having faith is like believing in something that I cannot see. I’m trying to stay strong every day, but on certain days it’s harder and I have to try more. But I won’t give up. I won’t be envious of an easy life just because my path is different from others. I won’t feel obligated to conform to society’s standards. Most importantly, I won’t let this defeat me and I refuse to allow it to harden me.
I will take this as an opportunity to revamp my life and cut contact with all the toxic people that are bringing me down. I will cherish this as a new beginning that is given to me and trust that better things are coming my way. I will accept this as a valuable lesson that will be the turning point of how I treat my relationship in the future. I will get in touch with myself, be my own best friend, and slowly be okay on my own.